elated. deflated. grinding of teeth, grinding of millstone. elation. deflation. conviction. more grinding. rinse, recycle, repeat.
(that last three 'r's is my silly "repeat' phrase that my weird do it again mantra taking from shampoo bottles, the recycle symbol, and of course, the word repeat).
that's how i describe this writing class i am taking with regards to the creative process. i think 'becoming' a writer is mostly summed up in that process. you love it. you realize you are terrible at it. you work anyway. you realize you love it. but bad at it. do it anyway. and you find that you have to keep on doing it even when you are motivated to because you're not as good as you think you are or you are not as good as you want to be. but it's a cycle. slowly by slowly i think i'll ascend that spiralling staircase. the periods of 'deflation' are becoming shorter and the conviction and confidence that I can take these stories of mine somewhere are blooming. phooey ambiguous comments by my creative writing professor over email. it's probably best i don't know how to read into them one way or another. probably get more out of me that way!
in the grinding bit again... creating creating creating. and loving it! isn't that a sign of a calling? when you are practically singing when working and doing drudge work?
but then again. i love working. most fulfilling thing ever. i know. i'm strange, but it's how i find my meaning in life. yes. with jesus. there's is that verse that the harvest is plentiful but the workers are few. by golly, i mean to be one of them.
