I love how the Bible is a breath of fresh air to pending cultural norms and mores. Especially churchy ones. When we look at the Bible most of the women present have shady and broken sexual pasts, and yet, God does not shy away from using them, honoring them, incorporating them as important and powerful players in his story.
I like the story of Tamar. The one who seduces her father in law so that she can have social status after her husband dies. She conceives twins, one of whom is Jesus' great forfather from the line of Judah. That's right, ladies, there is sort of a weird undercurrent in the Bible that sort of says: Women, you must take your sexuality in your own hands; reclaim it if you will, for God's glory. NOT MAN's. Because remember, it probably was because of a man's (ego, pride, selfishness, lust, sin, lack of respect) you ended up in the predicament in the first. (Men, you are not known for caring well for women's sexuality- deal with the criticism).
Then there is Ruth who's sketchy behavior in the during the harvest landed her a husband. Or Ester, who for all intents and purposes became a trophy wife. Rahab- a prostitute. Mary- a pregnant 14 year old. Hagar, a sex slave by some definitions. The woman at the well- a man eater. AND THE LIST GOES ON.
Women, we have some spiritual heritage with sexually broken women. And they are STRONG sexually broken women. And they were honored and loved by GOD ( and yeah, still found a godly man to do life with) in spite of it.
In fact, I think God in his weird, twisted, higher than thou ways, uses our sexuality, broken, abused, shamed, guilt-ridden, terrifying as it is, to HIS GLORY. To show His LOVE as a father(and mother- like a hen to her chicks, there are feminine aspects of God's character that should help us identify with His all non-gendered being). Christ was crucified, sacrificed, broken for us to take away our shame and our guilt- to reconcile us to God. And CHRIST was a PRODUCT of some weird sexual mores.
Let us not then be afraid of sexuality, or of its brokenness, but let God redeem it and use it and know We are well Loved for it. That is to say, figure out how to be empowered by your own story. Let God take the guilt, the shame, the fear, the what have you and SHINE FORTH like your sisters and mothers in Christ.
The end.
Thursday, May 23, 2013
Monday, May 20, 2013
2 steps forward one step back
I recently read " Lean In" by Sheryl Sandberg and am so glad I did. She articulates so much of what my experience has been in some ways about ambitions and a professional life that I am in awe and extremely grateful for all that she had to share. I think I want to be her someday in some somewhat modified capacity.
And am applying what she says women need to do more: lean in, stay at the table, engage, push, put ourselves out there, and not doubt our abilities or confidence.
Applying this of course is extremely out of my comfort zone- I am such a "tiara" mode people pleaser kind of worker. And so, I've babystepped putting myself more out there and not all of it has been successful. Failure is a big part of learning, but I think I am gaining ground and know that putting myself out there, pushing myself to speak up and add to the conversation 'at the table' will better for me than not.
So it's a few steps forward, a couple steps back sort of dance, but I think I'm getting somewhere. I just have to learn that manly trait of 'not caring' so much (just get it done) so that I won't crumble or lose my nerve!
And am applying what she says women need to do more: lean in, stay at the table, engage, push, put ourselves out there, and not doubt our abilities or confidence.
Applying this of course is extremely out of my comfort zone- I am such a "tiara" mode people pleaser kind of worker. And so, I've babystepped putting myself more out there and not all of it has been successful. Failure is a big part of learning, but I think I am gaining ground and know that putting myself out there, pushing myself to speak up and add to the conversation 'at the table' will better for me than not.
So it's a few steps forward, a couple steps back sort of dance, but I think I'm getting somewhere. I just have to learn that manly trait of 'not caring' so much (just get it done) so that I won't crumble or lose my nerve!
Monday, April 8, 2013
on writing
elated. deflated. grinding of teeth, grinding of millstone. elation. deflation. conviction. more grinding. rinse, recycle, repeat.
(that last three 'r's is my silly "repeat' phrase that my weird do it again mantra taking from shampoo bottles, the recycle symbol, and of course, the word repeat).
that's how i describe this writing class i am taking with regards to the creative process. i think 'becoming' a writer is mostly summed up in that process. you love it. you realize you are terrible at it. you work anyway. you realize you love it. but bad at it. do it anyway. and you find that you have to keep on doing it even when you are motivated to because you're not as good as you think you are or you are not as good as you want to be. but it's a cycle. slowly by slowly i think i'll ascend that spiralling staircase. the periods of 'deflation' are becoming shorter and the conviction and confidence that I can take these stories of mine somewhere are blooming. phooey ambiguous comments by my creative writing professor over email. it's probably best i don't know how to read into them one way or another. probably get more out of me that way!
in the grinding bit again... creating creating creating. and loving it! isn't that a sign of a calling? when you are practically singing when working and doing drudge work?
but then again. i love working. most fulfilling thing ever. i know. i'm strange, but it's how i find my meaning in life. yes. with jesus. there's is that verse that the harvest is plentiful but the workers are few. by golly, i mean to be one of them.
(that last three 'r's is my silly "repeat' phrase that my weird do it again mantra taking from shampoo bottles, the recycle symbol, and of course, the word repeat).
that's how i describe this writing class i am taking with regards to the creative process. i think 'becoming' a writer is mostly summed up in that process. you love it. you realize you are terrible at it. you work anyway. you realize you love it. but bad at it. do it anyway. and you find that you have to keep on doing it even when you are motivated to because you're not as good as you think you are or you are not as good as you want to be. but it's a cycle. slowly by slowly i think i'll ascend that spiralling staircase. the periods of 'deflation' are becoming shorter and the conviction and confidence that I can take these stories of mine somewhere are blooming. phooey ambiguous comments by my creative writing professor over email. it's probably best i don't know how to read into them one way or another. probably get more out of me that way!
in the grinding bit again... creating creating creating. and loving it! isn't that a sign of a calling? when you are practically singing when working and doing drudge work?
but then again. i love working. most fulfilling thing ever. i know. i'm strange, but it's how i find my meaning in life. yes. with jesus. there's is that verse that the harvest is plentiful but the workers are few. by golly, i mean to be one of them.
Friday, March 29, 2013
Sweet Nothings
I realize that I'm really into analyzing the theology of pop songs. I'm not sure if because they are the most accessible of "art" to analyze or I just analyze too much, but whatever it is, the lastest piece to cross my path is Florence Welch's "sweet Nothing". Because is that what the whole crux of Christianity rests on? "Sweet Nothings" of God? The sweet nothing of faith. What is faith? What is love? What is hope? What is our belief in Jesus? "nothing" in the sense that it is not measurable matter, it's unseen, immeasurable, hard to grasp physically, though so important spiritually.
And yet so powerful. But nothing at the same time. The Bible, tradition, experience, church those are tangible- but faith? intangible.
I like how she put it:
So I put my faith in something unknown
I'm living on such sweet nothing
But I'm trying to hope with nothing to hold
I'm living on such sweet nothing
And it's hard to learn
And it's hard to love
When you're giving me such sweet nothing
Sweet nothing, sweet nothing
You're giving me such sweet nothing
The mysteries of faith! Though we've never seen Jesus, we still believe! Oh those sweet nothings of grace, redemption, and reconcilation! Hallejuah!
And yet so powerful. But nothing at the same time. The Bible, tradition, experience, church those are tangible- but faith? intangible.
I like how she put it:
So I put my faith in something unknown
I'm living on such sweet nothing
But I'm trying to hope with nothing to hold
I'm living on such sweet nothing
And it's hard to learn
And it's hard to love
When you're giving me such sweet nothing
Sweet nothing, sweet nothing
You're giving me such sweet nothing
The mysteries of faith! Though we've never seen Jesus, we still believe! Oh those sweet nothings of grace, redemption, and reconcilation! Hallejuah!
Monday, March 25, 2013
the meaning of marriage
I read an awful book. Okay it wasn't that awful, and I shouldn't be too mean or critical because I did win a free copy off of twitter and I highly respect the editor and think highly of the enterprise, but it is a book i almost wish i hadn't read. I'm struggling with its message and its perspective on marriage
It's a bit of an icky book. A book that delves into the world of hard and troubling marriages and relationships and gets down and dirty with them. The characters are messy. Their marriages are messy and not once does the author shy away from the horrible parts of marriage that married people experience. Which all could be a good book, but I am not sure the book executes what it has to say well enough to do marriage justice. It's a little heavy handed, so the reader is beat up a bit, brutal even. I kind of ended up feeling rubbed raw and slapped in the face and stripped of some dignity for having read it. And I really wanted to put it down, but it wasn't up to my standard of "quality" reading so I felt like I might have be reading a b-list romance novel, it was that kind of bad. But the end turned out okay and there were some good parts- but i am not sure enough.
And I couldn't handle the book for two reasons: One, having to do with quality of the written word. I think it needs to go one more round in the editing stage as some parts are BRILLIANT and some parts need further work. There is really great writing in a few chapters promising a really great story somewhere in the awfulness with some really great characters, but there wasn't a polished execution, so the mind gets scraped up a bit, trying to tying up the loose ends or the characters that don't quite work. And two, I disagree with some of the underlying priniciples, mainly that you stay in a marriage no matter what. I severely disagree with that sentiment. There are reasons to end a marriage that are godly and biblical and HEALTHY. ANd that's what I couldn't stand about the book: the message to stay in an unhealthy marriage no matter what and that being the "redemptive" quality of the book.
He** no.
If you are just hurting your spouse for the sake of hurting them and or are cheating on them because you are bored or what have you (examples of marriages in the marriage support group that the main characters attend), then you probably should get out of it. Albeit, you'll get out and be broken, but I am not sure why staying in an abusive marriage is edifying or redemptive and OKAY! IT'S NOT!!!! Have some self-respect! Sure get counseling, exhaust all sorts of means, but if the relationship has deteriorated so much that you go out of your way to HURT YOUR SPOUSE, then why are you married? Seriously. The purpose of marriage is to "help" the other person and glorify GOD and in our twisted, broken world means you will hurt them, but not in spite, not premeditated and not on purpose continually.Not sure how "hating" your spouse emotionally, physically and spiritually glorifies God and how being okay with your spouse doing what ever the f he or she wants is okay. I'm not okay with my husband hurting me, b doing whatever he wants whenever he wants when I know he's going to hurt a lot people... MY MARRIAGE IS NOT GOD. And I think the book proposes that... and gets it way wrong.
So, in conclusion, I have big issues with this book. It needs some development from a writing perspective (there are a few 2 dimensional characters who I think need some depth and other such problems in the storyline) and then idea-lly, I disagree with some of the fundamental premises.
Agree? Disagree? The book is "Better Food for a Better World" by Erin McGraw. It is rough, but has some really funny, brilliant and wonderful parts. In my meanest moments, I call it the antithesis of Tim Keller's "Meaning of Marriage" as Keller's book uplifts Marriage so dang extremely well and effectively that I felt i needed to read it after McGraw's book to 'cleanse' me. But boy do I have a lot to say after reading McGraw's. I appreciate my marriage and my husband that much more because we don't purposely try to hurt each other like some of the marriage presented in the book- at least not yet~!!!
It's a bit of an icky book. A book that delves into the world of hard and troubling marriages and relationships and gets down and dirty with them. The characters are messy. Their marriages are messy and not once does the author shy away from the horrible parts of marriage that married people experience. Which all could be a good book, but I am not sure the book executes what it has to say well enough to do marriage justice. It's a little heavy handed, so the reader is beat up a bit, brutal even. I kind of ended up feeling rubbed raw and slapped in the face and stripped of some dignity for having read it. And I really wanted to put it down, but it wasn't up to my standard of "quality" reading so I felt like I might have be reading a b-list romance novel, it was that kind of bad. But the end turned out okay and there were some good parts- but i am not sure enough.
And I couldn't handle the book for two reasons: One, having to do with quality of the written word. I think it needs to go one more round in the editing stage as some parts are BRILLIANT and some parts need further work. There is really great writing in a few chapters promising a really great story somewhere in the awfulness with some really great characters, but there wasn't a polished execution, so the mind gets scraped up a bit, trying to tying up the loose ends or the characters that don't quite work. And two, I disagree with some of the underlying priniciples, mainly that you stay in a marriage no matter what. I severely disagree with that sentiment. There are reasons to end a marriage that are godly and biblical and HEALTHY. ANd that's what I couldn't stand about the book: the message to stay in an unhealthy marriage no matter what and that being the "redemptive" quality of the book.
He** no.
If you are just hurting your spouse for the sake of hurting them and or are cheating on them because you are bored or what have you (examples of marriages in the marriage support group that the main characters attend), then you probably should get out of it. Albeit, you'll get out and be broken, but I am not sure why staying in an abusive marriage is edifying or redemptive and OKAY! IT'S NOT!!!! Have some self-respect! Sure get counseling, exhaust all sorts of means, but if the relationship has deteriorated so much that you go out of your way to HURT YOUR SPOUSE, then why are you married? Seriously. The purpose of marriage is to "help" the other person and glorify GOD and in our twisted, broken world means you will hurt them, but not in spite, not premeditated and not on purpose continually.Not sure how "hating" your spouse emotionally, physically and spiritually glorifies God and how being okay with your spouse doing what ever the f he or she wants is okay. I'm not okay with my husband hurting me, b doing whatever he wants whenever he wants when I know he's going to hurt a lot people... MY MARRIAGE IS NOT GOD. And I think the book proposes that... and gets it way wrong.
So, in conclusion, I have big issues with this book. It needs some development from a writing perspective (there are a few 2 dimensional characters who I think need some depth and other such problems in the storyline) and then idea-lly, I disagree with some of the fundamental premises.
Agree? Disagree? The book is "Better Food for a Better World" by Erin McGraw. It is rough, but has some really funny, brilliant and wonderful parts. In my meanest moments, I call it the antithesis of Tim Keller's "Meaning of Marriage" as Keller's book uplifts Marriage so dang extremely well and effectively that I felt i needed to read it after McGraw's book to 'cleanse' me. But boy do I have a lot to say after reading McGraw's. I appreciate my marriage and my husband that much more because we don't purposely try to hurt each other like some of the marriage presented in the book- at least not yet~!!!
Thursday, March 7, 2013
And then...
When the thought of returning to work excites me, we get sick and I realize that the highest priority in life at this moment is to be a mom.
Hearing you, Lord. I am a mom and need to live into that fully. No side ambitions yet.
Or maybe just a few small ones. But probably not any 9-5 ones. I have two very beautiful and remarkable creatures under my charge that need a lot of me right now so one day, I'll send them out into the world shining like stars in the heavens.
They already do a little bit, says me the proud mama. I gots me some movers and shakers for progeny. Little E knows no strangers, animal or human, and can make anyone her friend. Stubborn and demanding, wily and sweet as she is. And little man C likes to give anyone who will stop and say hi to him the most winning grin that can melt iron. They are little suns, bursting with energy and love.
They are wonderful to behold and I am grateful and privileged to be the one who will show them the ropes of this life (and, I hope, into the other). It is no small feat, being a momma. Even though I feel that mantle overshadows anything else I might be.
Dear Lord, bless the little children. Draw them unto you and may we not turn them away from the gates of your kingdom. Guide them in understanding faith and hope and love and protect them from all wickedness. Bless them, keep them, turn your face to them and give them peace to follow you all the days of their lives. In your name, Amen.
Hearing you, Lord. I am a mom and need to live into that fully. No side ambitions yet.
Or maybe just a few small ones. But probably not any 9-5 ones. I have two very beautiful and remarkable creatures under my charge that need a lot of me right now so one day, I'll send them out into the world shining like stars in the heavens.
They already do a little bit, says me the proud mama. I gots me some movers and shakers for progeny. Little E knows no strangers, animal or human, and can make anyone her friend. Stubborn and demanding, wily and sweet as she is. And little man C likes to give anyone who will stop and say hi to him the most winning grin that can melt iron. They are little suns, bursting with energy and love.
They are wonderful to behold and I am grateful and privileged to be the one who will show them the ropes of this life (and, I hope, into the other). It is no small feat, being a momma. Even though I feel that mantle overshadows anything else I might be.
Dear Lord, bless the little children. Draw them unto you and may we not turn them away from the gates of your kingdom. Guide them in understanding faith and hope and love and protect them from all wickedness. Bless them, keep them, turn your face to them and give them peace to follow you all the days of their lives. In your name, Amen.
Tuesday, March 5, 2013
Exploding
Does anyone else ever feel like they are exploding? The past few weeks I've felt like I've been exploding. Exploding with ideas. Exploding with things to say. Exploding with stress about next year. Exploding with vigor and joy and excitement.
It's been a little much. The possibilities and unknowns are overwhelming. What will I do next year? What career path should I choose if I choose to go back to work? What should I do if I think I should pursue something instead? What if I am called to this? What if I need to speak up about this? How will we make ends meets? How will we balance kids and work? and many more questions crowd my head at night trying figure out why this sudden explosion of activity in my life.
I guess this is what happens when you feel the Spirit at work. I'll try to ride the wave and listen to how and to what he calls. But it is extremely nerve wracking and scary and sort of exciting! Is it terrible that I am ready to shed a bit of my "stay at home mom" skin and do something new? Even if that new is something unseen as of yet?
Daniel and I are at a crossroads of new beginnings and opportunities. Not sure what the cards hold, but is sure is fun anticipating what's around the corner!
It's been a little much. The possibilities and unknowns are overwhelming. What will I do next year? What career path should I choose if I choose to go back to work? What should I do if I think I should pursue something instead? What if I am called to this? What if I need to speak up about this? How will we make ends meets? How will we balance kids and work? and many more questions crowd my head at night trying figure out why this sudden explosion of activity in my life.
I guess this is what happens when you feel the Spirit at work. I'll try to ride the wave and listen to how and to what he calls. But it is extremely nerve wracking and scary and sort of exciting! Is it terrible that I am ready to shed a bit of my "stay at home mom" skin and do something new? Even if that new is something unseen as of yet?
Daniel and I are at a crossroads of new beginnings and opportunities. Not sure what the cards hold, but is sure is fun anticipating what's around the corner!
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