the meaning of marriage

I read an awful book. Okay it wasn't that awful, and I shouldn't be too mean or critical because I did win a free copy off of twitter and I highly respect the editor and think highly of the enterprise, but it is a book i almost wish i hadn't read. I'm struggling with its message and its perspective on marriage

 It's a bit of an icky book. A book that delves into the world of hard and troubling marriages and relationships and gets down and dirty with them.  The characters are messy. Their marriages are messy and not once does the author shy away from the horrible parts of marriage that married people experience.  Which all could be a good book, but I am not sure the book executes what it has to say well enough to do marriage justice. It's a little heavy handed, so the reader is beat up a bit, brutal even.  I kind of ended up feeling rubbed raw and slapped in the face and stripped of some dignity for having read it. And I really wanted to put it down, but it wasn't up to my standard of "quality" reading so I felt like I might have be reading a b-list romance novel, it was that kind of bad. But the end turned out okay and there were some good parts- but i am not sure enough.

And I couldn't handle the book for two reasons: One, having to do with quality of the written word. I think it needs to go one more round in the editing stage as some parts are BRILLIANT and some parts need further work. There is really great writing in a few chapters promising a really great story somewhere in the awfulness with some really great characters, but there wasn't a polished execution, so the mind gets scraped up a bit, trying to tying up the loose ends or the characters that don't quite work. And two, I disagree with some of the underlying priniciples, mainly that you stay in a marriage no matter what. I severely disagree with that sentiment. There are reasons to end a marriage that are godly and biblical and HEALTHY. ANd that's what I couldn't stand about the book: the message to stay in an unhealthy marriage no matter what and that being the "redemptive" quality of the book.

He** no.

If you are just hurting your spouse for the sake of hurting them and or  are cheating on them because you are bored or what have you (examples of marriages in the marriage support group that the main characters attend), then you probably should get out of it. Albeit, you'll get out and be broken, but I am not sure why staying in an abusive marriage is edifying or redemptive and OKAY! IT'S NOT!!!! Have some self-respect! Sure get counseling, exhaust all sorts of means, but if the relationship has deteriorated so much that you go out of your way to HURT YOUR SPOUSE, then why are you married? Seriously. The purpose of marriage is to "help" the other person and glorify GOD and in our twisted, broken world means you will hurt them, but not in spite, not premeditated and not on purpose continually.Not sure how "hating" your spouse emotionally, physically and spiritually glorifies God and how being okay with your spouse doing what ever the f he or she wants is okay. I'm not okay with my husband hurting me, b doing whatever he wants whenever he wants when I know he's going to hurt a lot people... MY MARRIAGE IS NOT GOD. And I think the book proposes that... and gets it way wrong.

So, in conclusion,  I have big issues with this book. It needs some development from a writing perspective (there are a few 2 dimensional characters who I think need some depth and other such problems in the storyline) and then idea-lly, I disagree with some of the fundamental premises.

Agree? Disagree? The book is "Better Food for a Better World" by Erin McGraw. It is rough, but has some really funny, brilliant and wonderful parts. In my meanest moments, I call it the antithesis of Tim Keller's "Meaning of Marriage" as Keller's book uplifts Marriage so dang extremely well and effectively that I felt i needed to read it after McGraw's book to 'cleanse' me. But boy do I have a lot to say after reading McGraw's. I appreciate my marriage and my husband that much more because we don't purposely try to hurt each other like some of the marriage presented in the book- at least not yet~!!!