A broken glass
Yet again, the dishes stacked up around the sink. Yet again, while cleaning the cereal bowls, food encrusted plates, and coffee mugs , I broke a glass. It was the second time within a week. I wasn't so annoyed or bothered as I could have been. I accepted the fact that my clumsy and sometimes careless self has a knack for hitting the counter at the wrong time and maybe even has a propensity for watching dishes fall to the floor. And I thought I could use the accident to let off some steam about how, though, yet again, I am the one who is washing other people's dishes. Maybe a thought or two crept in that said serves them right if I broke one of their glasses that they left for someone else to clean. But as I picked up the little bits and pieces of glass, I started thinking on a much more deeper, profound, redemptive level.
A broken glass is a great a metaphor for brokenness in our lives. Be it a broken relationship, an area of sin, or some conflict that wears heavy on the soul. Brokenness happens and shatters us, whether it is our fault or others or a result of the corrupted world we live in. How we react and what we do with the broken pieces, speaks to our faith in Christ. Do we understand what to do with broken glass, with a broken life? As I picked up the pieces, I fought the desire to just leave the glass shards on the floor. It's annoying to get out the broom or the wet dish towels to get all the little slivers from the cracks and crevices on our brick floor ( yes, we have a brick kitchen floor).
God has shown me a bit about how to react to brokenness. In sum, God picks us up and equips us as a people to deal with broken glass. He does not leave shards on the floor, nor should we.
Once, when I dropped a can of tomato sauce, I said to myself sarcastically, " Oh, what joy having children will be." Images of all sorts of spills and disgusting things I'd have to clean as a mother ran through my brain. In my imagination, there was a little person with big eyes watching my every move. Would I have a good attitude when I bent down to wipe it all up? Would I be thorough or cut corners like I wanted to? Would I scar the kid with sarcasm and anger and criticalness, just because I had had a bad day and the last thing I had wanted to do was to clean up something else?
I noted to myself in the midst of this daydream, 'you still need to grow up, Sarah,' as I forced myself to get every corner and sticky spot. I could not leave what I had spilled for my roommates to deal with and my parents were no where within the vicinity to encourage strains of spoiled brat dependency by doing it for me. My natural lazy tendency is to do a half-hearted job. It's a discipline for me to take care of my own messes. And through that discipline comes a reward of doing a job well.
That story is to say I think that is how we need to deal with messes in our lives. We have to come before God and ask him to clean every sticky corner and dirty crevice. With patience and diligence and God's help must we bring before Him these messes so that they are cleaned up. We accept responsibility for them, even if it's inconvenient, and do not leave them to grow mold and aqcuire other yuckiness.
Once reaction is to be grumpy about wiping up the red liquid mess from the floor (and where ever else it had splattered). As I work with kids, I am hyper-aware of how I react to situations and I even analyze those reactions. Everything an adult does, kids absorb like sponges; so little is lost on them. Because of this fact, I often rationalize everything I do in order to turn every moment of life into a teachable moment should it be necessary. So what would I teach a kid who saw me clean up tomato sauce grumbling to myself? Hmm, not things they would be allowed to mimic. They would be immediately reprimanded if they had a bad attitude about it.
Not to say I had a good attitude today with the glass, but I recovered quicker. I think part of growing up is learning to exhibit a certain patience and knowledge that I am the person to take care of the mess and it is my responsibility to do so with out begrudging it. It's not that big of a deal and I shouldn't throw a fit. So deja-vuing, I carefully bent down to pick up all the shards of this glass I broke this Saturday morning. Remembering is dangerous, once you start it snowballs. I then began to think to all the times I have broken things in my life, be it abstract or relational or myself, as a result of my own volition and sinful nature.
I thought to the many times I refused to pick up the shards of broken events. The times I refused to accept or acknowledge responsibilities and consequences of my sins and actions. A few of these times have stuck in my head. Times I broke a glass in my life and did not clean it up but left the slivers and shavings of glass on the floor. They stuck in my heart in deep places embedded themselves in with hurt and pain and wretchedness. I could get specific and probably name almost all the pieces of glass I've left there in my heart. It's only through the last couple years, when God's brought me through certain circumstances, has He removed them one by one, placed them before me, and thrown them out. It's been a slow, painful process. I feel like glass re-wounds as it is pulled out. Sometimes it takes awhile to heal properly. Muscles and tendons have to reorder themselves around the shards and they have to reorient to their intended places. There's a process to healing and after healing, there's still scar tissue to suffer.
So, as I picked up the broken glass and swept all the little bits in the dust pan, I asked myself why. What was so hard about cleaning up the broken pieces when they happened? Why haven't I dealt with my sins immediately? Wouldn't that be easier in the long run? Was it because I can have a begrudging attitude? These questions left me pondering.
By leaving brokenness on the floor of my heart, I most certainly left them there to penetrate more deeply and harmfully than I could have known. Also, those shards I refused to deal with hurt others. Why did I refuse to clean them up? By cleaning up, I imply repentance and turning to God to ask Him for grace. Why didn't I trust Him to right the situation, for the power of forgiving and being forgiving? (In the long run, I have, since they've been cleaned up, some of them at least). I am not sure why I ran away from brokenness. Lack of maturity is one reason. Maybe I didn't want to admit I messed up? Maybe I was in shock? Maybe I was still lost and didn't really truly grasp salvation? Human nature? Sin?
As I made sure I had gotten all of the broken pieces off my kitchen floor, I thought to the miraculous process it has been removing all the pieces of glass in my life. God confronted me in a lot of areas and forced me to see and acknowledge all the pieces that were ripping me up and destroying different parts of my heart and maybe my life in recent years. Am I the lost coin? Hopefully!
In the end, what I've learned is that I don't have to have a resentful attitude while repairing or dealing with the brokenness. I am hopeful and see the good in the process of "cleaning up." It is good to know God and to know that is what God does: repairs the brokenhearted. All things are for His glory. He is here to pick up our shattered pieces of iniquity and work with us to make us whole again. In fact, He probably takes us through such broken times in order to teach us more of His ways. So we will able to more fully know His love and and be able to embrace the life He has for us--broken glasses and all. Let's hope we have good attitudes about that!
Tuesday, August 28, 2012
Sunday, August 12, 2012
Weakness
There's a gradual realization creeping upon me that as much as I love teaching, it also physically undermines me in such a way that I might need to reconsider my options. I spent the last week fighting a rather painful infection common to teachers who never leave the classroom if they can help it.
I am slowly recovering. Again. This same infection laid me out in my previous pregnancy and even before I was pregnant and teaching ( popping 4 advil a day seemed to keep the pain away). And the pain. Oh my goodness. So much pain. Luckily, after much drama with my doctors to get me meds, I only suffered a little less than two weeks this time. It took at least a month and a week of me sitting on a couch not working for me to figure out what was wrong with me.
So I am weak. So weak. From fighting this dang infection. And I was scared. Scared my doctors wouldnt listen to me and my pain and make me suffer and I'd have to go into labor with most of energy sapped out of me. Because I am tired. Who knows when I'll get a decent energy level back to function at a somewhat normal level.
And it all breaks me. I cannot do what I think I should be able to do. I am broken. Have been broken and thought the pieces had been mended, but it seems that God always has a different path for me to go down. And I am either too stiff necked or inattentive to the whispers that I continually need to be reminded of pain. Of brokenness. Of sacrifice. Christ broke his body for us. Those who have suffered chronic, debilitating pain can somewhat understand or imagine the significance of those words. Broken means pain. Christ died for us, broken and in pain.
And then he was resurrected and restored and filled. Last week I talked about being filled and I know it is only because I have been broken that I have been filled. I only know what fullness is because I have been broken and restored by God's mighty hand. And I don't think that connection clicked until this week when I found myself suffering excruciating pain once again and realizing how it has changed me. Humbled me a bit, I hope. But it also has made me more receptive to God's love and care and truth.
I am in God's hands so he can fashion me as he wants to. And I trust him. Even if He continually reminds me of my weakness and brokenness and i don't understand why.
I am slowly recovering. Again. This same infection laid me out in my previous pregnancy and even before I was pregnant and teaching ( popping 4 advil a day seemed to keep the pain away). And the pain. Oh my goodness. So much pain. Luckily, after much drama with my doctors to get me meds, I only suffered a little less than two weeks this time. It took at least a month and a week of me sitting on a couch not working for me to figure out what was wrong with me.
So I am weak. So weak. From fighting this dang infection. And I was scared. Scared my doctors wouldnt listen to me and my pain and make me suffer and I'd have to go into labor with most of energy sapped out of me. Because I am tired. Who knows when I'll get a decent energy level back to function at a somewhat normal level.
And it all breaks me. I cannot do what I think I should be able to do. I am broken. Have been broken and thought the pieces had been mended, but it seems that God always has a different path for me to go down. And I am either too stiff necked or inattentive to the whispers that I continually need to be reminded of pain. Of brokenness. Of sacrifice. Christ broke his body for us. Those who have suffered chronic, debilitating pain can somewhat understand or imagine the significance of those words. Broken means pain. Christ died for us, broken and in pain.
And then he was resurrected and restored and filled. Last week I talked about being filled and I know it is only because I have been broken that I have been filled. I only know what fullness is because I have been broken and restored by God's mighty hand. And I don't think that connection clicked until this week when I found myself suffering excruciating pain once again and realizing how it has changed me. Humbled me a bit, I hope. But it also has made me more receptive to God's love and care and truth.
I am in God's hands so he can fashion me as he wants to. And I trust him. Even if He continually reminds me of my weakness and brokenness and i don't understand why.
Friday, August 10, 2012
How to raise a toddler
I realize with baby number two approaching that I have very clear rules, tenets if you will, to child-raising that make my life easier. These will be all important in the coming days. But at the same time, nothing is as hard as teaching in an inner city middle school classroom, so I am not that stressed about another little one. Mamahood has been pretty easy in comparison, knock on wood. It is way easier to deal with one child than twenty, especially when I am the one with ultimate disciplinary and character building authority. It is easier to form my own child's character and discipline the way I want it to be, then to have to 'undo', 'reshape', conform other people's children who are not up to my standards of behavior. SO MUCH EASIER. It's also easier to get my child to do what I want them to do because I have so much time in the world to build that relationship. In a classroom, there's never enough time for anything and there probably shouldn't be, but at the same time, one on one conversations are really important to have in the classroom, but a teacher can't always have as many as she needs.
In short, I've been thinking about my approach to child raising and I've compiled a list of my rules that I abide by that make my life easier. Many of them I picked up from teaching middle school, believe it or not. Please enjoy. Also, FYI, baby is what we call ourselves and by ourselves I mean Evelyn. In the toddler world, everything is third-first person.
1. A fussy baby goes to bed. Or gets something to eat. But usually the first option. If a baby isn't happy, it is usually because they are hungry, tired, or need a diaper change. Or maybe in need of a break after over simulation. In any case, some alone time in bed usually works any problems out. And this problem resolution takes less than 10 minutes most of the time.
2. A fussy baby puts herself to sleep. It's a good self soothing, character building exercise. Mama does not need to prolong the sleep and tire herself out by coddling her toddler to nap or sleep. Think of it as an act to learn independence and autonomy. The baby will have to deal with her own problems in the future, might as well let her start now.
3. Babies must listen the first time. I'm only going to ask once. If I have to ask twice, immediate time out, removal of toy/food item/activity. I've spent way too much time repeating myself as a teacher. I am not going to spend any more breath or time getting people to do what they need to do as a mother. I WISH MORE PARENTS DID THIS. MEAN WHAT YOU SAY. AND BACK UP WITH CONSEQUENCES. Your child will be a good listener and so much more pleasurable to deal with. if not, don't worry, i have no problem enforcing this rule on other children. Sometimes a " what did I just ask you to do?" and "do you want a time out/ negative consequence" sends the necessary back up message that i mean what i say and i am only going to say it one time and only one time before you get in trouble.
4. Give baby two options that you, the parent, are okay with it. Do not give them open ended choices- you'll never get anywhere and it opens the door for them to learn how to manipulate you if you try too hard to cater to their 'wishes.'' Half the time they don't know what they want, but find the game of power struggle awfully fun. If they refuse your choices, decide to lay down the hammer or let them express their opinion. Alternate between the two. It's good for baby to know boundaries and learn how to choose with limited options. Other times, it's good for baby to have a strong opinion and to fight for it. I try balance between the two which often means discerning which times have the potential for manipulation and the times my child will benefit from letting her decide something. Don't deny them either experience.
5. Babies must say sorry and make a gesture of reconciliation after hurting someone or doing something wrong. Gestures can be a hug or a high five to be made after a timeout and saying sorry. Sorry isn't enough, babies have to repair the relationship by an appropriate gesture. (this is me doing what my parents did that often prevent grudges from forming and resets the balance of peace in some way).
6. Babies help with chores and tasks as soon as they can walk and understand commands. If baby purposely throws something on the floor, then baby picks it up. If baby has trash, she puts it in the trash can. The baby doesn't have to clean up her entire room, but she can help do little things. Babies are natural helpers. Mamas should not do everything and should try to let baby help out as much as possible. Especially, if there's a littler baby around. I'm all for autonomy and independence as soon as possible- call it Montessori if you will. I think a happy baby is one who feels empowered and a contributor and works as soon as she can.
7. Teach babies to sign and communicate (E started at around 10 months doing signs back). Walk them through how to communicate their feelings and wants and needs. Tell them what's appropriate and not appropriate. Make them ask for things. Make them ask for things without fussing. Explain everything. Tell them it's okay to feel anger and frustrated and sad ( but not okay to act out on it). Tell them to say they are sad or angry or mad. Make them say want they want. Tell them that they can want, but sometimes not have if it is not appropriate. REALLY IMPORTANT FUTURE CONFLICT RESOLUTION SKILLS THAT ARE BUILDING HERE. Seriously, if only more people in the world could communicate how they are feeling, what they want or need, and be okay with a positive or negative response (that is an acknowledge and probably enough for negative emotions). How many times do I model this for my middle schoolers: Say " I am upset you called me xyz. That is not okay. Please apologize. If you don't apologize, I will [take it to the next level/tell the teacher] and because it is an act of bullying expect detention " Don't punch them in the face. Girls, especially, need this communication skill in life.What I say to evelyn when upset: "I understand and am sorry you are upset and it is okay to be upset. But, you cannot act on it in a negative way. If you need space or x or y, that's fine, but you cannot z, otherwise you'll get a timeout. " I'm big on time-outs.
8. Treat toddlers with respect like you would any adult. A toddler is still a human being with dignity. They deserve explanations for actions. They should be asked calmly to do things. They do not deserve your anger. Or if they do, they will pick up on how to treat people angrily. THe world is a confusing place to be a kid, with usually only a parent as a link to deciphering it. If a parent yells and puts them in time-out in an aggressive manner without explaining, the child is left clueless and upset and often shut down. Ugh, I saw one parent do this at the playground and it drove me nuts! A calm response is best. Instead of whipping your child out of the situation and telling them they are bad for disobeying, model what the correct behavior was and then give them a time out. Instead of "Bobby, you get a spanking" violent picking up and yelling. Say, "Bobby, that was not right. Please say sorry to this little girl. And you are getting a time out because we don't xyz." DO NOT SHUT DOWN YOUR CHILD. THEY DO NOT AUTOMATICALLY KNOW your behavior expectations- so explain them to them. IF you don't, pretty sure your child will hate you most of their childhood, grudgingly give you respect, and high-tail it out of your house and rebel against anything you have ever told them. Christian parents who spank, I am talking to you. Maybe 1 case in 10 probably spanks appropriately and does what is necessary, but in the other 9 times- you probably let your anger get the best of you and crush your child's soul. Disciplining should never be done in anger or when upset. It should have a teaching moment and a positive behavior or action to be done as a follow up. It is very easy to lose a child's respect if you "demand" obedience with force. Not even God "demands" things of us. He offers us choices and wants us to partner with Him in doing the right thing. That's also another tactic of mine, especially in the classroom, reminding people that they have a choice: to do what is right or to not and suffer these consequences. And I give them that choice to make. I like empowered people, not people driven by cowering fear. Pretty sure the whole reason God sent Christ was to empower us as well "to be full heirs with Christ."
9. Otherwise, let children do what they want to do. Explore, play, jump, laugh and make a mess. My child will never be the cleanest or the calmest child all the time, but she will be inquisitive, curious, observant, social, and interactive. And interesting. Every child has a different brain and letting it set the pace (and nurturing it when appropriate) will develop another huge gift and asset to the world. There will be times to make them do what they don't want, but for the most part, toddlerdom is about establishing trust and security and building neurons paths in a healthy environment. Letting them enjoy their interests activates good parts of the brain that will set them up to be brilliant in the future.
10. Establish routines. Babies, children, middle schoolers, and adults all love routines. It makes them happy and safe. A baby who knows she will eat, sleep, play at regular times is a happy baby. Too much activity can stress a baby out. If there's a rhythm to the day, they tend to have less fits, less fights, less unhappiness. For this reason, I sometimes dread traveling with a young-one. Their schedule gets off and I as a parent have to fight more to get them on some sort of routine which means they sleep less, i sleep less, and everyone is more irritable. Heck, that's why if I want to go somewhere, I want to stay there for a while. I don't like even being the tourist- I'd rather live in a different place for a month or so to truly absorb the experience. But that's me.
I'm sure i have others, but these I think are the really important ones. I want my child healthy(mentally, physically, emotionally, socially, and spiritually), content, and ready to forge her own path in the world, while enjoying every minute of life. And these are tenets that will get her there. With prayer and love of course. How do you think I came up with them?
In short, I've been thinking about my approach to child raising and I've compiled a list of my rules that I abide by that make my life easier. Many of them I picked up from teaching middle school, believe it or not. Please enjoy. Also, FYI, baby is what we call ourselves and by ourselves I mean Evelyn. In the toddler world, everything is third-first person.
1. A fussy baby goes to bed. Or gets something to eat. But usually the first option. If a baby isn't happy, it is usually because they are hungry, tired, or need a diaper change. Or maybe in need of a break after over simulation. In any case, some alone time in bed usually works any problems out. And this problem resolution takes less than 10 minutes most of the time.
2. A fussy baby puts herself to sleep. It's a good self soothing, character building exercise. Mama does not need to prolong the sleep and tire herself out by coddling her toddler to nap or sleep. Think of it as an act to learn independence and autonomy. The baby will have to deal with her own problems in the future, might as well let her start now.
3. Babies must listen the first time. I'm only going to ask once. If I have to ask twice, immediate time out, removal of toy/food item/activity. I've spent way too much time repeating myself as a teacher. I am not going to spend any more breath or time getting people to do what they need to do as a mother. I WISH MORE PARENTS DID THIS. MEAN WHAT YOU SAY. AND BACK UP WITH CONSEQUENCES. Your child will be a good listener and so much more pleasurable to deal with. if not, don't worry, i have no problem enforcing this rule on other children. Sometimes a " what did I just ask you to do?" and "do you want a time out/ negative consequence" sends the necessary back up message that i mean what i say and i am only going to say it one time and only one time before you get in trouble.
4. Give baby two options that you, the parent, are okay with it. Do not give them open ended choices- you'll never get anywhere and it opens the door for them to learn how to manipulate you if you try too hard to cater to their 'wishes.'' Half the time they don't know what they want, but find the game of power struggle awfully fun. If they refuse your choices, decide to lay down the hammer or let them express their opinion. Alternate between the two. It's good for baby to know boundaries and learn how to choose with limited options. Other times, it's good for baby to have a strong opinion and to fight for it. I try balance between the two which often means discerning which times have the potential for manipulation and the times my child will benefit from letting her decide something. Don't deny them either experience.
5. Babies must say sorry and make a gesture of reconciliation after hurting someone or doing something wrong. Gestures can be a hug or a high five to be made after a timeout and saying sorry. Sorry isn't enough, babies have to repair the relationship by an appropriate gesture. (this is me doing what my parents did that often prevent grudges from forming and resets the balance of peace in some way).
6. Babies help with chores and tasks as soon as they can walk and understand commands. If baby purposely throws something on the floor, then baby picks it up. If baby has trash, she puts it in the trash can. The baby doesn't have to clean up her entire room, but she can help do little things. Babies are natural helpers. Mamas should not do everything and should try to let baby help out as much as possible. Especially, if there's a littler baby around. I'm all for autonomy and independence as soon as possible- call it Montessori if you will. I think a happy baby is one who feels empowered and a contributor and works as soon as she can.
7. Teach babies to sign and communicate (E started at around 10 months doing signs back). Walk them through how to communicate their feelings and wants and needs. Tell them what's appropriate and not appropriate. Make them ask for things. Make them ask for things without fussing. Explain everything. Tell them it's okay to feel anger and frustrated and sad ( but not okay to act out on it). Tell them to say they are sad or angry or mad. Make them say want they want. Tell them that they can want, but sometimes not have if it is not appropriate. REALLY IMPORTANT FUTURE CONFLICT RESOLUTION SKILLS THAT ARE BUILDING HERE. Seriously, if only more people in the world could communicate how they are feeling, what they want or need, and be okay with a positive or negative response (that is an acknowledge and probably enough for negative emotions). How many times do I model this for my middle schoolers: Say " I am upset you called me xyz. That is not okay. Please apologize. If you don't apologize, I will [take it to the next level/tell the teacher] and because it is an act of bullying expect detention " Don't punch them in the face. Girls, especially, need this communication skill in life.What I say to evelyn when upset: "I understand and am sorry you are upset and it is okay to be upset. But, you cannot act on it in a negative way. If you need space or x or y, that's fine, but you cannot z, otherwise you'll get a timeout. " I'm big on time-outs.
8. Treat toddlers with respect like you would any adult. A toddler is still a human being with dignity. They deserve explanations for actions. They should be asked calmly to do things. They do not deserve your anger. Or if they do, they will pick up on how to treat people angrily. THe world is a confusing place to be a kid, with usually only a parent as a link to deciphering it. If a parent yells and puts them in time-out in an aggressive manner without explaining, the child is left clueless and upset and often shut down. Ugh, I saw one parent do this at the playground and it drove me nuts! A calm response is best. Instead of whipping your child out of the situation and telling them they are bad for disobeying, model what the correct behavior was and then give them a time out. Instead of "Bobby, you get a spanking" violent picking up and yelling. Say, "Bobby, that was not right. Please say sorry to this little girl. And you are getting a time out because we don't xyz." DO NOT SHUT DOWN YOUR CHILD. THEY DO NOT AUTOMATICALLY KNOW your behavior expectations- so explain them to them. IF you don't, pretty sure your child will hate you most of their childhood, grudgingly give you respect, and high-tail it out of your house and rebel against anything you have ever told them. Christian parents who spank, I am talking to you. Maybe 1 case in 10 probably spanks appropriately and does what is necessary, but in the other 9 times- you probably let your anger get the best of you and crush your child's soul. Disciplining should never be done in anger or when upset. It should have a teaching moment and a positive behavior or action to be done as a follow up. It is very easy to lose a child's respect if you "demand" obedience with force. Not even God "demands" things of us. He offers us choices and wants us to partner with Him in doing the right thing. That's also another tactic of mine, especially in the classroom, reminding people that they have a choice: to do what is right or to not and suffer these consequences. And I give them that choice to make. I like empowered people, not people driven by cowering fear. Pretty sure the whole reason God sent Christ was to empower us as well "to be full heirs with Christ."
9. Otherwise, let children do what they want to do. Explore, play, jump, laugh and make a mess. My child will never be the cleanest or the calmest child all the time, but she will be inquisitive, curious, observant, social, and interactive. And interesting. Every child has a different brain and letting it set the pace (and nurturing it when appropriate) will develop another huge gift and asset to the world. There will be times to make them do what they don't want, but for the most part, toddlerdom is about establishing trust and security and building neurons paths in a healthy environment. Letting them enjoy their interests activates good parts of the brain that will set them up to be brilliant in the future.
10. Establish routines. Babies, children, middle schoolers, and adults all love routines. It makes them happy and safe. A baby who knows she will eat, sleep, play at regular times is a happy baby. Too much activity can stress a baby out. If there's a rhythm to the day, they tend to have less fits, less fights, less unhappiness. For this reason, I sometimes dread traveling with a young-one. Their schedule gets off and I as a parent have to fight more to get them on some sort of routine which means they sleep less, i sleep less, and everyone is more irritable. Heck, that's why if I want to go somewhere, I want to stay there for a while. I don't like even being the tourist- I'd rather live in a different place for a month or so to truly absorb the experience. But that's me.
I'm sure i have others, but these I think are the really important ones. I want my child healthy(mentally, physically, emotionally, socially, and spiritually), content, and ready to forge her own path in the world, while enjoying every minute of life. And these are tenets that will get her there. With prayer and love of course. How do you think I came up with them?
Monday, August 6, 2012
Bread of life
The gospel scripture reading at church yesterday talked about the miracle of feeding the five thousand and Jesus declaring that he was/is the bread of life. the new testament reading talked about being a part of the body of Christ and uniting under one hope and maturing into the fullness of Christ. The old testament was the icky one about david's fallenness when he kills Uriah to have bathseba.
I don't have too many great insights into these passages. I'm not really in a place of hunger for anything, nor do I really feel part of the church body in any significant way (which is why it's probably good to be reminded of Ephesians 4's one body, one spirit, one hope). I guess I should be en garde for any prideful temptations lurking beyond my palace walls (new job, a more exciting lifestyle?), but I'm pretty sure child number two and my inability to function when pregnant will keep those ambitions at bay.
What then? Why the blah, the laissez faire attitude with regards to the spirit? Is it just a reflection of my energy level as I enter the last weeks of pregnancy? Or is it a sign of being filled, establishing maturity, being secured in my faith and my place in the body of Christ? Christ is my bread, so he fills me. Righteousness is bestowed, not mine, but his, so that i can wear it without being tossed to and fro. Just as I wear the helmet of salvation and know I am saved, the breastplate of righteousness protects my heart so that I can love and serve. So that I can promote righteousness that IS SO NEEDED in so many places. I've worked in too many places that send me into the midst of unrighteous aka the wrong way to live aka a way that will destroy from the inside out because of some combination of ignorance, neglect, and lack of leadership. Sure you can have an extreme of white washed tombs of righteousness going on, but boy, it's probably better than the outright gnashing of teeth and destruction.
And Jesus who is the bread sustains that service. There are too many place without righteousness and it is my call and duty to seek and serve those places. It's every Christian's call. And I think that a huge part of the Christian journey is using up bread like fuel in service. Living for others, pouring out in some way and daily needing Christ and his righteousness to sustain you. It's part of being mature in Christ that Ephesians 4 talks about. It's the next step of faith, to depend upon christ's righteousness so I don't have to be tripped up by my trivial and petty woes ( another critique of the modern american church that I feel spends way to much time assuaging people's egos and ignoring true places of need- places where the gospel can speak so powerfully. But I'll keep my over privileged christian impotent bubble condemnations for another time). I don't proclaim myself, but Christ in whatever ways (whatever gifts) he calls me to.
And I guess I'll wrap up by saying I am satiated by Christ. I don't want anything for myself, but more for others who want and need righteousness.I am driven by the power of reconciliation available to all because of Christ's death and resurrection. I see the need for Him to come and change the status quo and I am transformed by being apart of that process. Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness for they will be filled- by Christ, by being a part of the body of Christ. And once filled, the blessed will share that bread of life with others.
I don't have too many great insights into these passages. I'm not really in a place of hunger for anything, nor do I really feel part of the church body in any significant way (which is why it's probably good to be reminded of Ephesians 4's one body, one spirit, one hope). I guess I should be en garde for any prideful temptations lurking beyond my palace walls (new job, a more exciting lifestyle?), but I'm pretty sure child number two and my inability to function when pregnant will keep those ambitions at bay.
What then? Why the blah, the laissez faire attitude with regards to the spirit? Is it just a reflection of my energy level as I enter the last weeks of pregnancy? Or is it a sign of being filled, establishing maturity, being secured in my faith and my place in the body of Christ? Christ is my bread, so he fills me. Righteousness is bestowed, not mine, but his, so that i can wear it without being tossed to and fro. Just as I wear the helmet of salvation and know I am saved, the breastplate of righteousness protects my heart so that I can love and serve. So that I can promote righteousness that IS SO NEEDED in so many places. I've worked in too many places that send me into the midst of unrighteous aka the wrong way to live aka a way that will destroy from the inside out because of some combination of ignorance, neglect, and lack of leadership. Sure you can have an extreme of white washed tombs of righteousness going on, but boy, it's probably better than the outright gnashing of teeth and destruction.
And Jesus who is the bread sustains that service. There are too many place without righteousness and it is my call and duty to seek and serve those places. It's every Christian's call. And I think that a huge part of the Christian journey is using up bread like fuel in service. Living for others, pouring out in some way and daily needing Christ and his righteousness to sustain you. It's part of being mature in Christ that Ephesians 4 talks about. It's the next step of faith, to depend upon christ's righteousness so I don't have to be tripped up by my trivial and petty woes ( another critique of the modern american church that I feel spends way to much time assuaging people's egos and ignoring true places of need- places where the gospel can speak so powerfully. But I'll keep my over privileged christian impotent bubble condemnations for another time). I don't proclaim myself, but Christ in whatever ways (whatever gifts) he calls me to.
And I guess I'll wrap up by saying I am satiated by Christ. I don't want anything for myself, but more for others who want and need righteousness.I am driven by the power of reconciliation available to all because of Christ's death and resurrection. I see the need for Him to come and change the status quo and I am transformed by being apart of that process. Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness for they will be filled- by Christ, by being a part of the body of Christ. And once filled, the blessed will share that bread of life with others.
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