I deeply respect my parents and the choices they have made in life. They tend to choose the harder road, the road less traveled, the counterintuitive road all because they feel and listen strongly to the convictions of Christ placed on their lives.
And they've suffered for it. Burned by churches they have given themselves to sacrificially in a multitude of ways, they continue to commit themselves to serving the church and Jesus. It's humbling and hard to see how they've left 'comfortable' positions and allowed themselves to be vulnerable in difficult circumstances without any promise of, except being called faithful at the end of the day. They've left a church with a lot of friends and in the suburbs, to move to the city to plant a church without many peers. They moved to a city leaving the comforts and safety that suburbs offer. My dad left his job to go into ministry, drastically changing their lifestyles in their 'old' age. While most people seek to beef up retirement, my parents are taking a humble, low road in the name of what Jesus has placed on their hearts.
Maybe, now you see why I have issues with committing to a church (since Charlottesville). I'm just waiting to get burned. Waiting for the hurt that inevitably comes from communing with sinners. Or waiting for the hurt that comes from following christ and being faithful to what he has called you to and for the church to fail you in that regard, because it does.
And yet, even with my church baggage, I feel so blessed by parents because I have this deep power to not conform. I don't have to seek comfort or safety in the communities I am apart of. I don't have to pursue financial or social security with regards to my career or church or lifestyle. I have the power to listen to and follow my convictions, pursue Jesus with whatever I have and walk out in faith with my decisions.
And I am deeply thankful for that. My best friend and I have spent the last year feeling the angst of not fitting in with our church communities and doubting ourselves for wanting more than what we have and feeling pressure to conform to what we are not. We are non-conformers. Not content with the status quo, actively wrestling with the calls and situations god has placed in our lives. And church for us is not a social club nor just a place you go on Sunday to worship. It may be a place that hurts you and persecutes you in some way and not necessarily a place of comfort, but definitely growth. While no church is perfect, very very far from, there needs to be a conviction, even an anointing of god's, saying "go here."
And like Abraham, we have to listen to that call. Even if the call is to leave the land of your fathers and go somewhere weird or difficult or skyrockets your gas budget. Because that is what it means to have faith and to act on it, especially if it makes you different. Lord Jesus, may we listen to you in the places where we conform and not follow on convictions. Help us follow you where you go and call. help us trust the plans you have for us. In your name we pray, amen.
Tuesday, February 19, 2013
Sunday, February 17, 2013
Tolerance
The themes of the last few Sunday sermons have included a few slams against tolerance. My knee jerk reaction is to go: "WHAT? Tolerance is so important. What are you talking about?" But then I realize there are subtleties to tolerance that have been overlooked in the sermon discussion. My immediate definition of tolerance that comes to mind is probably not the one the pastor is talking about. The idea that we should accept people different than us and respect them is way way way different than tolerating sin, but the term is used interchangeably. The pastor is not saying we should be intolerant people, but we should be intolerant of sin... I think. I don't know, I'm new to the denomination...
As a teacher, I embrace and enjoy being tolerant of all sorts of different perspectives my students bring to the classroom. In the cities I live and have lived and the communities I have and am apart of, I LOVE the differences and the challenges and difficulties that their "diversity" brings. I am all for mixing up different life views, philosophies, even religions. It keeps one sharp and aware of the truth of the gospel and how it is for ALL people. Also, I think diversity reflects the ulta creative God we have that is omnipotent and who can totally handle opposing sides and views and personalities.
But, when I think about it, there are things I do not tolerate. As in, a few deal breakers within my marriage. Behaviors I completely do not allow in my household or classroom. Things I abhor and will fight against and punish, etcetc. Disrespect is one. Dishonesty is another. And Daniel knows that if he ever cheated on me, our marriage would be over. Completely unable to tolerate (handle, live with) betrayal of trust or intimacy. I am completely intolerable when it comes to that.
And I am also really unable to handle bratty behavior by my two year old. Tend to nip that in the bud as effectively as I can, when I realize it (have a baby, sometimes I am lax and have to retrain her).
Things I should be more intolerant about but require too much confrontation:
-friends living with their to be husbands (worked out for all of them, but still iffy...don't want to be judgy, but would never be comfortable with it myself... this is probably what the pastor was talking about in the sermon...)
- people making discriminatory remarks
- intolerant people with regards to immigration, same sex rights, other religions and political beliefs
Things I tolerate, but I am cowardly about:
-a lot of church policies that exclude women in some way or reduce their agency and voices or abilities to be ministered or to minister
-telling people i disagree with them about x, y or z.
- people who drink soda regularly (i cringe if it's not a once or twice a year thing. it's soo gross and unhealthy. how can you put it in your body??)
- bad grammar (wait...pretty intolerant about that)
-TV ( hate it, and yet, still watch it. i'm tolerant of it, but if i never watched it again, my life would be a success).
I am all for tolerance. Think it is needed in the kingdom of God. Jesus tolerated sinners and the Pharisees (though not so much the Pharisees). He tolerates us in all our weird and imperfect ways. A good Christian is a tolerant one... except when it comes to sin. We are not to be tolerant of destructive sin in our lives or the lives of others. Don't you dare lie, cheat, steal, or murder!!! especially with regards to me!
As a teacher, I embrace and enjoy being tolerant of all sorts of different perspectives my students bring to the classroom. In the cities I live and have lived and the communities I have and am apart of, I LOVE the differences and the challenges and difficulties that their "diversity" brings. I am all for mixing up different life views, philosophies, even religions. It keeps one sharp and aware of the truth of the gospel and how it is for ALL people. Also, I think diversity reflects the ulta creative God we have that is omnipotent and who can totally handle opposing sides and views and personalities.
But, when I think about it, there are things I do not tolerate. As in, a few deal breakers within my marriage. Behaviors I completely do not allow in my household or classroom. Things I abhor and will fight against and punish, etcetc. Disrespect is one. Dishonesty is another. And Daniel knows that if he ever cheated on me, our marriage would be over. Completely unable to tolerate (handle, live with) betrayal of trust or intimacy. I am completely intolerable when it comes to that.
And I am also really unable to handle bratty behavior by my two year old. Tend to nip that in the bud as effectively as I can, when I realize it (have a baby, sometimes I am lax and have to retrain her).
Things I should be more intolerant about but require too much confrontation:
-friends living with their to be husbands (worked out for all of them, but still iffy...don't want to be judgy, but would never be comfortable with it myself... this is probably what the pastor was talking about in the sermon...)
- people making discriminatory remarks
- intolerant people with regards to immigration, same sex rights, other religions and political beliefs
Things I tolerate, but I am cowardly about:
-a lot of church policies that exclude women in some way or reduce their agency and voices or abilities to be ministered or to minister
-telling people i disagree with them about x, y or z.
- people who drink soda regularly (i cringe if it's not a once or twice a year thing. it's soo gross and unhealthy. how can you put it in your body??)
- bad grammar (wait...pretty intolerant about that)
-TV ( hate it, and yet, still watch it. i'm tolerant of it, but if i never watched it again, my life would be a success).
I am all for tolerance. Think it is needed in the kingdom of God. Jesus tolerated sinners and the Pharisees (though not so much the Pharisees). He tolerates us in all our weird and imperfect ways. A good Christian is a tolerant one... except when it comes to sin. We are not to be tolerant of destructive sin in our lives or the lives of others. Don't you dare lie, cheat, steal, or murder!!! especially with regards to me!
Tuesday, February 5, 2013
Friends versus DBs
A girl my husband went to college with just wrote a funny post on her blog about finding a new best friend. She referenced one of the funniest new televisions out there, the Mindy Project, saying, "Best friend isn't a person, it's tier." While she went on to lament her lack of intimate acquaintances here in Durham, I started to lament my lack of a drinking buddy.
Cs Lewis has this quote about friends that ends with "you,too?" "You,too? You like the same things I do? You also flip out over silly, nonsensical things? You, too, read French literature and listen to random French rap?!" The joy and excitement of someone who enjoys the same things as you is the spark and beginning of deep true friendships, so CS Lewis surmised.
Right now, these days, I want: "you, too? you, too, want a drink and forget being peed on, whined at, picking up 40 bijillion toys, and cleaning 10 hundred spills in the last four hours? And want to talk about something non kid related even though i have zero knowledge of current events, popular trends, and any sports? Awesome! Let's leave the kids with dad and go!"
As wonderful as best friendships are, I'm not there anymore. I have two kids, a husband, and a part time job.and soon a garden. I don't need an intense, intimate relationship (have one, am married, check). I don't need any more dependency relationships( can barely handle my two year old meltdowns, not really able to handle adult ones). I don't have time to discuss life philosophies- diapers, feedings, booboos, and timeout are always calling and interrupting.
What I need/want is a drinking buddy. Someone who can live in the moment, not expect too much out of me, remind what it is to have adult 'not taking care of smaller human beings 24/7' time and not care if I drop off the planet every other week or so. That sounds so fantastic. Drinking would be an added plus as I often desperate want to do something unmommyish and drinking usually feels like the ultimate mommy rebellion. Whohoo, let's let go and unwind! Bottoms up! Running is also a favorite alternative (though I'm not as fast as I used to be. My two year might be able to keep up with me. dang!)
Maybe there be a time in the future when I need someone who can be on my best friend tier who is in the same city as me. But in the meantime, my mommy friends will suffice, even though we barely have two sentences said before we run off after one of our young'uns. Oh, motherhood! or oh, parenthood. how we crave adult interactions! Still think a drinking buddy is the best option. Salud!
Cs Lewis has this quote about friends that ends with "you,too?" "You,too? You like the same things I do? You also flip out over silly, nonsensical things? You, too, read French literature and listen to random French rap?!" The joy and excitement of someone who enjoys the same things as you is the spark and beginning of deep true friendships, so CS Lewis surmised.
Right now, these days, I want: "you, too? you, too, want a drink and forget being peed on, whined at, picking up 40 bijillion toys, and cleaning 10 hundred spills in the last four hours? And want to talk about something non kid related even though i have zero knowledge of current events, popular trends, and any sports? Awesome! Let's leave the kids with dad and go!"
As wonderful as best friendships are, I'm not there anymore. I have two kids, a husband, and a part time job.and soon a garden. I don't need an intense, intimate relationship (have one, am married, check). I don't need any more dependency relationships( can barely handle my two year old meltdowns, not really able to handle adult ones). I don't have time to discuss life philosophies- diapers, feedings, booboos, and timeout are always calling and interrupting.
What I need/want is a drinking buddy. Someone who can live in the moment, not expect too much out of me, remind what it is to have adult 'not taking care of smaller human beings 24/7' time and not care if I drop off the planet every other week or so. That sounds so fantastic. Drinking would be an added plus as I often desperate want to do something unmommyish and drinking usually feels like the ultimate mommy rebellion. Whohoo, let's let go and unwind! Bottoms up! Running is also a favorite alternative (though I'm not as fast as I used to be. My two year might be able to keep up with me. dang!)
Maybe there be a time in the future when I need someone who can be on my best friend tier who is in the same city as me. But in the meantime, my mommy friends will suffice, even though we barely have two sentences said before we run off after one of our young'uns. Oh, motherhood! or oh, parenthood. how we crave adult interactions! Still think a drinking buddy is the best option. Salud!
Sweet womanly fellowship
Ok. That title sounds super creepy. I'm not trying to be creepy, but I am trying to express how nice it is to go to a women's group, of all ages, and shoot the breeze.
I've missed that and needed that for a long while. A place where you feel comfortable and at home to open up and share and be a bit vulnerable.
And I can't believe I found it at a pca church. Not that I judge them (okay, maybe I do), but I just have a lot of issues with their all male leadership and the whole male only presbyters and elders and deacons thing. The only place where you'd see a woman is by the children's ministry title. Riles me up, saddens me, and I write them off, all at the same time.
But, it's the first church in Durham, where I have 'felt' happy- where there's been a spark. A glimmer of, seeing myself digging roots, finding holy communion with my family. There door's open and the burden feels light. Feel, maybe, perhaps, the Spirit is (finally) moving (again).
Looking forward to Monday night hangouts with these ladies. Looking forward to some good community. Some give and take. Some body and blood of Christ working in relationships, easy or hard, but anointed with the oil of fellowship. Amen and hallelujah!
I've missed that and needed that for a long while. A place where you feel comfortable and at home to open up and share and be a bit vulnerable.
And I can't believe I found it at a pca church. Not that I judge them (okay, maybe I do), but I just have a lot of issues with their all male leadership and the whole male only presbyters and elders and deacons thing. The only place where you'd see a woman is by the children's ministry title. Riles me up, saddens me, and I write them off, all at the same time.
But, it's the first church in Durham, where I have 'felt' happy- where there's been a spark. A glimmer of, seeing myself digging roots, finding holy communion with my family. There door's open and the burden feels light. Feel, maybe, perhaps, the Spirit is (finally) moving (again).
Looking forward to Monday night hangouts with these ladies. Looking forward to some good community. Some give and take. Some body and blood of Christ working in relationships, easy or hard, but anointed with the oil of fellowship. Amen and hallelujah!
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