is a book by Dr. Kay Jamison, who not only wrote the psychology textbook on manic depressive bipolar disorder, but suffers from the mental illness as well. I recently read this book as a family member has been recently diagnosed with this mental illness. In hopes of us better understanding what she is going through, she recommended this book as a way to peer into her world of bipolarism. I found the text absolutely fascinating, less because of the mental illness, but more due to the remarkable life of Kay Jamison and the interesting themes presented in her autobiography. In the midst of all her madness and depression and mania, there was a underlying current of love, hope, strength, and even faith that made it inspirational and enjoyable to read- though religion never made it into any expository form. I appreciate the way that she tried very hard to point out the triumphs and advantages of her illness, not only the dark times. That balance of the good and the bad made the book helpful and posed very good questions for self reflection about how our culture perceives mental illnesses.
In my personal life, I have had limited exposure to mental illness until recently. My grandmother is mentally ill, but I don't know much about her situation- just that it has been hard and painful. Now that my sister in law has been diagnosed with bipolarism, I am beginning to see the effects of the disease more closely. It's interesting the lines you feel like you have to walk and they aren't easy and often confusing and the feelings of helplessness and uncertainty are astounding. You know they are 'sick', but how much do you let them make their own choices and lead their own life and how much do you second guess them? The memoir was somewhat helpful in its basic reiteration that manic-depressives should not get off lithum, but that more help, like psychotherapy, is needed, not just medication. But any more insight beyond that was limited. You basically hope the person makes a choice to stay on their meds and doesn't let the mania or the depression overtake their life.
Which bring me to the question what is the connection between faith and mental illness? I am a big proponent of working with the physical, biological world as well as the spiritual world to stay on top of it all. I also am of the belief there is a strong connection between the mind, heart, body, soul, and spirit. Get anyone of them out of whack and there are repercussions in the other areas. Yet at the same time, depression and spirituality feel linked. I cannot recall all the spiritual memoirs, there have been many, where I've read that many spiritual "greats" suffered one way or the other with depression or a mental illness. In a book that may be called "Messy Christianity," (I can't remember the exact title), there was a story of a women who was revered in her community as a great and faithful prayer warrior, yet, when interviewed she admitted to struggling with severe depression. King David is often given as an example of a manic depressive person in the Bible with his psalms as proof of high highs, and low lows. So to be a Christian does not mean you are opted out of suffering a mental illness- just like you aren't guaranteed prosperity, health, and what ever else "good" people are supposed to have. Just what does it mean to have a mental illness and a strong spiritual life?
What I wish I knew more about is the relationship and tension between a relationship with Christ and depression. Thankfully, it is easier to come out in the church that you are struggling with depression in this post baby boom world. I know post college, post marriage I have struggled a lot to find 'the joy of the Lord' that once I felt was a trademark of my personality. I think of lot of that had to with emotional and physical stress I often put on myself. Experiencing 4 or 5 major life stressors all at once IS NOT a good idea. Try to space out moving to a new city, starting a new job, getting married, and getting pregnant as much as possible- your mental sanity will thank you for it. And unlike, what Dr. Jamison experienced in her periods of depression, I knew that what was happening was due to things outside of me, not a "darkness within." But at the same time, I can identify with dealing with feeling like there was a weight or darkness placed upon my soul.
I once blamed the place I lived and environment can play into it. Dr. Jamison in her book made a strong case that her change of environment (from the East to the West coast) played a large part of her illness manifesting itself- for her and for her father. Now though I think a lot of my struggle to have joy/find meaning/ feel good has to do with the physical stress on my body during pregnancy. My neighbor down the street goes through the same thing when pregnant. She went as far to say that she thought her life and her marriage were falling apart until she realized it was just how she felt when she was pregnant. Once she wasn't pregnant, she bounced back and found joy and contentment in her life. It's great to know I am not alone in feeling like this! And I also appreciate knowing there is a time limit to my feeling down and going through a hard time, mentally and physically, but at the same time, it doesn't make the journey any easier. And in no way shape or form have I lost my faith or truly doubted during my downs. Yes, I felt frustrated, I've asked why? I've shaken my fist in anger and maybe resentment, but I've not really doubted. Just tried to get through it.
And where was/is God in all this? I sort of take the approach that He's where He's always been. Just because he doesn't feel close, doesn't mean he isn't. He is the same, yesterday, and tomorrow. Even though, I am changing and growing or un-growing or what ever it is i am going through, He promises are still true. And I can trust that. And trust that it doesn't depend on me feeling good and happy, it only matters that God works in all things. That He'll be there at the end of the road, waiting to take my burdens and my tears and give me a crown of glory. Sometimes I don't think it matters what you do on the journey, only that you make it. Stick with it. Like Jacob who became Israel- he who wrestles- and who wrestles out a blessing, nonetheless.
And who ever said the journey was going to be easy, mentally healthy or not?
SIDENOTES:
I have always loved learning about the brain. Probably 75 percent of why I became a teacher was due to my fascination with how adolescent brains work, and more importantly how they learn (or don't learn as i found out teaching the population I taught for my first two years). In another life, I'll probably want to take the same life course that Dr. Jamison did: get a BS, then a PHD in psychology and spend my life researching functioning and non-functioning brains.
Even in my master's in foreign language program was heavy on studying the brain- or more specifically how does the brain change when learning a second language. Wernecke's area and Broca's anyone?
In my professional life, there have always been at least 2 or 3 kids per class that struggle with either a learning disability, an emotional behavioral disorder, or something else that has allowed them an IEP to get extra help. One girl in one of my high school Algebra classes straight up told me on the first day of class that she was bipolar like it was a warning that I should prepare myself for difficult interaction. Amazingly, she was always perfectly lovely in my class and did well. EBD kids were the ones that would walk into the classroom and I had about 5 seconds to diffuse the situations before desks started to fly- those were intense, but I grew proud of the way we learned to handle it. "let's forget about what happen outside and do some math; i don't know what happend to make you upset, but let's put it behind us and move on, " was my approach that usually was successful. These Special Ed kids have always been a favorite of mine to teach. Why? The highs (gains) are higher and the lows lower. I have always had a soft spot for the underdogs and special ed kids have to overcome a lot more than the average kid to succeed. When they do, it's one of the those moments that make life worth all the work- that make teaching so rewarding.
There are many questions to explore about healthy brains, unhealthy brains, spirituality, and Christianity- maybe one day I'll delve into them a bit more! I can dream ...
No comments:
Post a Comment