What I've wrote i have gone over and over in my head. Do I really agree with what I've said? Is it true? Why would I say what I've said?
And I've come up with some conclusions.
Some of those sins in that list hit me wrong. Because there wasn't justice for the victims in those prayers. And that jarred- on some level I revolted because I thought of all the child abusers, rapists, evil predators and aggressors who hide in churches. It doesn't help that most of them are male and most of the victims are women and children. Doesn't make me like the fact that it comes across as males getting preferential treatment as in "we male priests will offer you male victimizers confession and not turn you over to go to the police where you should rot in prison and be castrated so you cannot cast fear into lives of women and children." Somebody should protect the victims. The church should be protecting the women and children. There are hundreds of verses saying that who God is and that He will smite those that do not care for them and oppress them. I'm not going to count how many students i've worked with whose case worker would say, oh by the way, this person did that to them, just be aware of it and that they may have behavior issues. Well duh they will have behavior issues; people who were supposed to protect them, abused them. Grrr. The thought that there is often not justice to so many and that someone would almost glibly put it in a confessional prayer without prefacing that it should be said from a prison cell, is too much for me.
Too similar to the catholic church scandals where males were protected above the powerless, the defenseless, the widow, the orphan. Will the church ever repent of that?Too much chauvinism. I had one of my friends who's catholic explain to me why she prayed to Mary- because Mary was a woman who would understand- she didn't feel comfortable or safe praying to a male god. And that made an impression on me. It made me realize how much the church has to go to stick up for the under-voiced and under represented.
Male issues dominate the church agenda, in my opinion, because guess what, males and their perspectives are in the spheres and influences of power. And are men really that clued into women's issues? Can they really adequately represent them and advocate for their perspective? I'm leaning towards no... and to those who don't like the liberal women bishops out there or other women pastors (in america), I would say that it is still a male role and a male game and until that shifts, the type of leadership I am trying to advocate for will not be exemplified.
And that's it. The confessional prayer was way too male sin oriented and offered no justice to the non male perspective. And it made me confess that i have male issues. I think males need to go above and beyond to get their gender straight when it comes down to it. Too many of them have destroyed lives on account of their selfishness, greed, and ego. I guess Jesus came for them too, but there was a whole lot of repairing their damage and giving hope to the destroyed that Jesus did.
And yes, I think there is a place for judging right and wrong. I wasn't in a classroom full of 17 years old who ripped any shred of human dignity I had for nothing. I have no allusions about how good or bad I am. Because I don't think that really matters in the end. You are either forgiven or not. You either repent and get it together or you don't. You are either in the kingdom or not. And that is empowering, despite ruining me for polite society. Why? Because I spend less time worrying how I measure up and more about my relationships, how I treat people, where I see God's grace working, and where there are opportunities for redemption. And where to draw lines in order to seek after justice for the oppressed. There are consequences, secular ones, too, in addition to spiritual ones to big, ugly sins. If you say you are in the kingdom and victimize and abuse people, woman, child, or man, you should be in jail. Not in church. Somewhere where you are not able to victimize anybody else. Call Child Protective Services immediately when it comes to someone abusing a child. True religion is caring for widows and orphans and that should be something we should repent of not doing in our communities.
Tuesday, February 28, 2012
Friday, February 24, 2012
Day 50 something lent confession part 2
Sometimes I worry that I come off wrong. In that last post I am not trying to be the person at the temple saying "thank god I am not like those other people" instead of the person pouring out their heart. But rather I wish to give a pep talk to some Christians out there who may feel left out of the kingdom because we do not have dramatic conversion stories, have run of the mill problems that don't require intense fasting and intervention and church resources, and maybe feel like we have a cold rather than huge sickness and dont mind if the great physcian puts us at the end of line to get healed. There's a prevalence in the Christian world, real or imagined, that people with big problems and dramatic stories of repentance get a lot of limelight and attention- almost to the point that they are the standard and we, too, should have big sins from which God will save us. I'm sure you know what I am talking about. Stories of people who were drug addicts or this or that kind of person who had a huge encounter with God get toted and praised and some amount of glory a la prodigal son that make those of us who have a different, maybe more lame story - I grew up going to church with Christian parents- feel like we are ... not cool, deficient, lacking something?
But we're not. That was my point. It is by god's severe mercy and grace that big life destroying sins haven't crossed our paths- or if they have, God protected us and didn't let us fall in temptation. God's using us for his story, too. It might not get told for awhile, however. And I was trying to point out that there is glory in the "non story" story. Hence the reference to the worker's wages parable. There is something to knowing Jesus for a long time that could maybe be quantified into extra wages or what have you. Still waters run deep. And that's cool. There is power in that. It might not be as flashy or a great sermon illustration. Not everyone lives up to Paul, but many other apostles and disciples did great work too. Barnabus, Philip, silas, and many many women all did a lot for the early church too and probably were not murdering zealots like Paul was in his early years. And that was what I was trying to get out. It's a good thing to live a good life. It's good to have minor sins to repent of. It's healthier for the kingdom, healthier for your relationship with others and with God...
Before I start digging myself into a hole, I think we all struggle with sin- the impact of which is not good for anybody- and it is god's grace and mercy that works in all of us no matter our story. And for those of us that feel like we don't have big problems we wrestle deeply with, know that much is expected to those whom much has been given. And again, I reiterate my belief that means that we should be working hard at building the kingdom now. Extending grace to those who need, teaching those who do not know and living out the stories given to us by our Father above. Whether we are the older son or the prodigal, we have a place in God's kingdom. And to tie it all back to lent, the season of repentance, that is why we confess our sins, so we can continue to be reconciled to God (and our fellow man) and bring peace and unity to the kingdom.
And yeah, I could go onto say that it is weird that part of the way to combat sin is to throw a party for it- more turning the way the world works on it's head, but i'm not going to go into it. But it is interesting to think about. Because when you do have big issues to wrestle it, the thought that God's going to throw you a party after it, turns our notion of justice and punishment up on its head.
But we're not. That was my point. It is by god's severe mercy and grace that big life destroying sins haven't crossed our paths- or if they have, God protected us and didn't let us fall in temptation. God's using us for his story, too. It might not get told for awhile, however. And I was trying to point out that there is glory in the "non story" story. Hence the reference to the worker's wages parable. There is something to knowing Jesus for a long time that could maybe be quantified into extra wages or what have you. Still waters run deep. And that's cool. There is power in that. It might not be as flashy or a great sermon illustration. Not everyone lives up to Paul, but many other apostles and disciples did great work too. Barnabus, Philip, silas, and many many women all did a lot for the early church too and probably were not murdering zealots like Paul was in his early years. And that was what I was trying to get out. It's a good thing to live a good life. It's good to have minor sins to repent of. It's healthier for the kingdom, healthier for your relationship with others and with God...
Before I start digging myself into a hole, I think we all struggle with sin- the impact of which is not good for anybody- and it is god's grace and mercy that works in all of us no matter our story. And for those of us that feel like we don't have big problems we wrestle deeply with, know that much is expected to those whom much has been given. And again, I reiterate my belief that means that we should be working hard at building the kingdom now. Extending grace to those who need, teaching those who do not know and living out the stories given to us by our Father above. Whether we are the older son or the prodigal, we have a place in God's kingdom. And to tie it all back to lent, the season of repentance, that is why we confess our sins, so we can continue to be reconciled to God (and our fellow man) and bring peace and unity to the kingdom.
And yeah, I could go onto say that it is weird that part of the way to combat sin is to throw a party for it- more turning the way the world works on it's head, but i'm not going to go into it. But it is interesting to think about. Because when you do have big issues to wrestle it, the thought that God's going to throw you a party after it, turns our notion of justice and punishment up on its head.
Day 53- lent
The all saints blog has a rather blunt post on sin and confession. The kind of post you cringe to read because you really don't want to think about those evils and sins in the world. Then you sort of get offended because all the sins are treated with equality. How dare my relatively benign sins of discontent and secretly judging my neighbor be listed without distinction with child abusers, sexual perversion, adultery and murder? What is this person insinuating? Then my judging and pride comes in, oh gosh if people are really committing these sins no wonder the church, the world, society is so messed up.
And then of course the gospel speaks up and reminds me, all have sinned and fall short of the glory of god. We are all deficient and do not measure up to god's standards. And all are freely redeemed through god's grace by jesus' blood.
But there is also the reminder of the older brother in the parable of the lost son. Sin destroys from the inside out- those of us who haven't committed more serious crimes against our god and neighbor and ourselves are relieved a bit of the struggle of healing from brokenness. There are parts of our soul, our humanity that are kept intact and the kingdom of god is ours. "All that i have is yours" says the dad to the older son. Whoa, that's a huge concept to swallow.
Dante Alighieri had a great way of putting it in his book "Paradiso." In his heaven, there are ten rings and depending on your sins on earth, you would be on a lesser or greater ring(closer or farther from the point of love that is god that around all things revolve). To those in heaven it didn't matter what ring you were on- you were full, in heaven, happy, content, in love with God the point that makes all things move. It played a little bit with our sense of justice as the nun that was raped was on the least ring. The law is blind and since the law was broken, even though it wasn't her choice, she had to comply with the consequences . She explained that it was alright because people are like cups in heaven: we all may be different sizes but we are all full to the brim of god's love and glory. Size of cup is directly correlated to the righteousness of one's life.
I guess I explain that allegory to say that I agree that what we do on earth matters. While we can say sin is sin, as all of it takes us away from love and knowledge of God, there are different repercussions for different sins, on earth and maybe in heaven(?). Grave and destructive sins come with more demons and deeper healing process (with the potential to love greatly) on earth and with our souls and their potential to produce more sin in ourselves and in others. It's really a deterrent for me to realize that my actions will have profound consequences not only for me, but for all those around me. Something that I don't think we think about enough. The chain reaction of sin, like a huge track of dominoes, only has to knock one thing down to set off so many more.
This idea makes a strong case in my mind for living rightly and making godly choices. The consequences of not doing so are so ghastly! Sin begets more sin and more destruction and we get farther from what God intended: farther away from the good, the beautiful, and the true.
Think about cycles of poverty and how bad choices beget more wrongness in the world. Violence, abuse, lots of yucky things my students experienced that I don't like to think about, happen over and over again. It happens in the burbs, too. Greed, pride, vainglory. If parents are obsessed with money and status and things, good chance that will be passed on to progeny who will also strive for a life of comfort and material possessions at whatever cost and miss what will bring true life. Mammon is an exacting god and there is no room for grace. You either have or have not.
So yes, it is important to confess sin. We all need to repent in order to fulfill the will of God. We all need to submit to god's law and grace. Just, if you feel indignant like the older brother, know there are benefits to having lived a righteous life. While it seems a little unfair that you were paid the same as the guy who worked one hour when you worked 12, know that there are great benefits in working longer and learning from the master longer- you helped build more of the kingdom (if I need to appeal to our humanly nature of acquiring more of something). That is- being a prodigal ain't all it's worked up to be. There is a place for right and true living. If anything, it keeps hurt and evil at bay which is huge when you think about how easy it is to hurt and be hurt.
In the end, in heaven, we will all be restored and full- not sure if dante's ranking of more holy rings will be there, but all that will matter is that we know and worship the one true god who rights our wrongs and heals us mind, body, soul, and spirit.
And then of course the gospel speaks up and reminds me, all have sinned and fall short of the glory of god. We are all deficient and do not measure up to god's standards. And all are freely redeemed through god's grace by jesus' blood.
But there is also the reminder of the older brother in the parable of the lost son. Sin destroys from the inside out- those of us who haven't committed more serious crimes against our god and neighbor and ourselves are relieved a bit of the struggle of healing from brokenness. There are parts of our soul, our humanity that are kept intact and the kingdom of god is ours. "All that i have is yours" says the dad to the older son. Whoa, that's a huge concept to swallow.
Dante Alighieri had a great way of putting it in his book "Paradiso." In his heaven, there are ten rings and depending on your sins on earth, you would be on a lesser or greater ring(closer or farther from the point of love that is god that around all things revolve). To those in heaven it didn't matter what ring you were on- you were full, in heaven, happy, content, in love with God the point that makes all things move. It played a little bit with our sense of justice as the nun that was raped was on the least ring. The law is blind and since the law was broken, even though it wasn't her choice, she had to comply with the consequences . She explained that it was alright because people are like cups in heaven: we all may be different sizes but we are all full to the brim of god's love and glory. Size of cup is directly correlated to the righteousness of one's life.
I guess I explain that allegory to say that I agree that what we do on earth matters. While we can say sin is sin, as all of it takes us away from love and knowledge of God, there are different repercussions for different sins, on earth and maybe in heaven(?). Grave and destructive sins come with more demons and deeper healing process (with the potential to love greatly) on earth and with our souls and their potential to produce more sin in ourselves and in others. It's really a deterrent for me to realize that my actions will have profound consequences not only for me, but for all those around me. Something that I don't think we think about enough. The chain reaction of sin, like a huge track of dominoes, only has to knock one thing down to set off so many more.
This idea makes a strong case in my mind for living rightly and making godly choices. The consequences of not doing so are so ghastly! Sin begets more sin and more destruction and we get farther from what God intended: farther away from the good, the beautiful, and the true.
Think about cycles of poverty and how bad choices beget more wrongness in the world. Violence, abuse, lots of yucky things my students experienced that I don't like to think about, happen over and over again. It happens in the burbs, too. Greed, pride, vainglory. If parents are obsessed with money and status and things, good chance that will be passed on to progeny who will also strive for a life of comfort and material possessions at whatever cost and miss what will bring true life. Mammon is an exacting god and there is no room for grace. You either have or have not.
So yes, it is important to confess sin. We all need to repent in order to fulfill the will of God. We all need to submit to god's law and grace. Just, if you feel indignant like the older brother, know there are benefits to having lived a righteous life. While it seems a little unfair that you were paid the same as the guy who worked one hour when you worked 12, know that there are great benefits in working longer and learning from the master longer- you helped build more of the kingdom (if I need to appeal to our humanly nature of acquiring more of something). That is- being a prodigal ain't all it's worked up to be. There is a place for right and true living. If anything, it keeps hurt and evil at bay which is huge when you think about how easy it is to hurt and be hurt.
In the end, in heaven, we will all be restored and full- not sure if dante's ranking of more holy rings will be there, but all that will matter is that we know and worship the one true god who rights our wrongs and heals us mind, body, soul, and spirit.
Wednesday, February 22, 2012
Day 51- ornery
I am listening to my happy mix right now. Music i listened to writing papers, lesson planning, studying what have you in sunny places in Charlottesville where beauty and life and peace abounded. A place I wasn't pregnant.
There's a NYC mom blog out there who recently posted about post-weaning depression. It was a post to help her find closure, and it brought up some really good points about what pregnancy, breastfeeding, and weaning does to a woman's body. Child bearing is rough. Hormones throw a lot out of whack in addition to all the physical changes. I like to think of it as a cruel form of torture made to punish women for Eve's sins. Okay, that is liberally paraphrased from Genesis 3, but how else do you explain how awful pregnancy is unless you spin it as making up for Eve's conning Adam into eating that apple and letting sin enter into the world? If only whacky hormones that can send you to the depths of despair were the only thing about pregnancy that caused torture... there are so many.
One such torture that comes about in pregnancy for me is the state of permanent orneriness I endure for ten months. Nothing is good enough for me, everything doesn't measure up, and it all comes from the fact that i feel rotten. Someday I will find medical literature to prove my claim to physical depression versus mental depression- while my mental faculties are rather negative in thought, i feel like there's not a chemical imbalance, but a physiological one. And that causes me to turn into a 90 year old cranky person. i don't want to be around people, i don't want to eat because nothing looks appetizing, or if it does it is sure to disappoint, and I make laundry lists of what is wrong with the world.
Not pleasant any way you spin it. Trying to find a happy heart. You know, the joy of the Lord is my strength. But it is very hard to come by. And I cry a lot. And feel sick. And dislike everything around me. And I know it is pregnancy and it will pass, but it is hard to see the forest for the trees. I consider this some sort of season that Ecclesiastes talks about. A season to be upbeat, a season to be miserable. A season to laugh, a season to cry. A season to be in the tip top of shape, a season to feel horrible unwell and that you body hates you. A season to suffer. and maybe if the fate of the early christian church weighed on my shoulders, I too could find joy in suffering. but paul and a lot of the apostles weren't women, were they? i'm sure they would have written other helpful things if they had been...
There's a NYC mom blog out there who recently posted about post-weaning depression. It was a post to help her find closure, and it brought up some really good points about what pregnancy, breastfeeding, and weaning does to a woman's body. Child bearing is rough. Hormones throw a lot out of whack in addition to all the physical changes. I like to think of it as a cruel form of torture made to punish women for Eve's sins. Okay, that is liberally paraphrased from Genesis 3, but how else do you explain how awful pregnancy is unless you spin it as making up for Eve's conning Adam into eating that apple and letting sin enter into the world? If only whacky hormones that can send you to the depths of despair were the only thing about pregnancy that caused torture... there are so many.
One such torture that comes about in pregnancy for me is the state of permanent orneriness I endure for ten months. Nothing is good enough for me, everything doesn't measure up, and it all comes from the fact that i feel rotten. Someday I will find medical literature to prove my claim to physical depression versus mental depression- while my mental faculties are rather negative in thought, i feel like there's not a chemical imbalance, but a physiological one. And that causes me to turn into a 90 year old cranky person. i don't want to be around people, i don't want to eat because nothing looks appetizing, or if it does it is sure to disappoint, and I make laundry lists of what is wrong with the world.
Not pleasant any way you spin it. Trying to find a happy heart. You know, the joy of the Lord is my strength. But it is very hard to come by. And I cry a lot. And feel sick. And dislike everything around me. And I know it is pregnancy and it will pass, but it is hard to see the forest for the trees. I consider this some sort of season that Ecclesiastes talks about. A season to be upbeat, a season to be miserable. A season to laugh, a season to cry. A season to be in the tip top of shape, a season to feel horrible unwell and that you body hates you. A season to suffer. and maybe if the fate of the early christian church weighed on my shoulders, I too could find joy in suffering. but paul and a lot of the apostles weren't women, were they? i'm sure they would have written other helpful things if they had been...
Wednesday, February 15, 2012
Day 45- halfway there...
45 days of no coffee! 45 days of no coffee! For the entire month of February, I havent once been tempted to drink it. Maybe it's true what they say, 30 days is the magic number to build a habit. Do something for 30 days and it becomes a routine. I am guessing 30 consecutive days. Not entirely sure i remember my source- might have been a youth group talk encouraging us to read a chapter of proverbs a day to build a bible
reading habit. In any case, I have not had coffee for 45 day and have not wanted it for a couple weeks. Dependence on coffee bye-bye! Dependence on God? Still a work in progress. No great inspiring takeaways have come to me. My life is no worse for wear without coffee nor is it that much better. Still searching for what God has for me. Still trying to find purpose and meaning in life without work. Still trying to figure out how to vamp up my spiritual life and good habits and disciplines. I want to take life to the fullest but need to figure out how to do that as a wife and a mom.
Sort of feel I have hit a plateau and am not going anywhere, backwards or forwards. Sort of confusing and discomforting.
Dear lord, enter into these questions and spaces and fulfill your will. Lead. Teach. Love. To thine be the power, the honor, and the glory, now and forever. Amen.
reading habit. In any case, I have not had coffee for 45 day and have not wanted it for a couple weeks. Dependence on coffee bye-bye! Dependence on God? Still a work in progress. No great inspiring takeaways have come to me. My life is no worse for wear without coffee nor is it that much better. Still searching for what God has for me. Still trying to find purpose and meaning in life without work. Still trying to figure out how to vamp up my spiritual life and good habits and disciplines. I want to take life to the fullest but need to figure out how to do that as a wife and a mom.
Sort of feel I have hit a plateau and am not going anywhere, backwards or forwards. Sort of confusing and discomforting.
Dear lord, enter into these questions and spaces and fulfill your will. Lead. Teach. Love. To thine be the power, the honor, and the glory, now and forever. Amen.
Monday, February 13, 2012
Day 44 or something- sickness
i hate being sick. most people probably do. but i bet most people don't go to a deep dark place that i tend to go to when i am sick. i have vivid images of me with the flu as a kid wanting to die, praying for sleep because i did not know how i'd survive the agony. because the most awful thing to me as a ten year old and probably now still so many years later is throwing up.
rewind to t minus two years ago and again I was sick and call that time of my life the worst i have ever experienced. revelation: probably not the circumstances, though they were a nightmare, it was because I felt sick all the time.
fastforward to now: some say that it will all go away in approximately four weeks, and i admire their optimism, but i know i have months of feeling ill to look forward to. and i dread it. i dread the deep dark places it sends me and how my body will mentally torment me all the live long while. yeah, yeah, it's for a good cause, but i don't know if i ever really shake the torture and anguish it places on my body and spirit. i once blamed dc, but now I blame it. please, lord jesus, make the feeling ill part go away. heal me, body, mind, soul, so that i can be what I am suppose to be. amen.
rewind to t minus two years ago and again I was sick and call that time of my life the worst i have ever experienced. revelation: probably not the circumstances, though they were a nightmare, it was because I felt sick all the time.
fastforward to now: some say that it will all go away in approximately four weeks, and i admire their optimism, but i know i have months of feeling ill to look forward to. and i dread it. i dread the deep dark places it sends me and how my body will mentally torment me all the live long while. yeah, yeah, it's for a good cause, but i don't know if i ever really shake the torture and anguish it places on my body and spirit. i once blamed dc, but now I blame it. please, lord jesus, make the feeling ill part go away. heal me, body, mind, soul, so that i can be what I am suppose to be. amen.
Thursday, February 2, 2012
Day 33- God has a funny sense of humor
My relationship with God has passed through many phases. We've gone around the block a few times, i like to think, with ups and downs, good times and bad., feasts and famines. And because it is a relationship, I tend to personify him, even though he is God. Sometimes he takes the shape of a best friend, most of the time I think of Him as one of the best friends I have ever had. Sometimes he is a lover who loves like a man loves a woman, like my husband loves me.Well, that one comes from how he talks about the church, but it is a nice way to think of the power of his love. Sometimes he is a manager and head of a big company. Mostly when I think of all the work there is to be done to build the kingdom, do I think of him as a leader of a huge enterprise, orchestrating many projects and people. And when I mess up big time, big big time, He is a big teddy bear of grace, who wraps me up and anoints me with oil of joy as I know he doesn't count my sins against me when I repent. In every characterization, he is someone who knows me. Knows me inside and out. Knows my joys and sorrows, knows strengths and weaknesses, knows everything. And is someone who is there. Always there. For me.
And after months of angst or trial or frustration or whatever phase of life I am in, whether I am feeling distant or close with Him, He comes in and cracks a joke and I realize how much I love him. He'll get me every time. Oh his tricks that make me smile. For reasons of his own, he'll surprise me and throw something into my life that makes me pause, laugh, and call me to the good and the true and the beautiful, reminding me that He is my God worthy of my all.
It's the most beautiful, powerful, and frustrating thing in my life- my relationship with God. I don't always understand what he does, or why he calls me to places of pain or injustice, or what He is doing with my life. But I do know He loves me. Have never doubted that. I know He loves me through and through, no matter what. There isn't anything I can do that will make him stop loving me. He wants to be in relationship with me and wants me to be His. And that will get me through the day, the month, the years until I see him face to face in eternity. I can't wait. What could be better than hanging out with your best friend, the person who knows you best, loves you the most, for forever? Even if he likes to pull a fast one on you every once in awhile to make sure you are paying attention.
And after months of angst or trial or frustration or whatever phase of life I am in, whether I am feeling distant or close with Him, He comes in and cracks a joke and I realize how much I love him. He'll get me every time. Oh his tricks that make me smile. For reasons of his own, he'll surprise me and throw something into my life that makes me pause, laugh, and call me to the good and the true and the beautiful, reminding me that He is my God worthy of my all.
It's the most beautiful, powerful, and frustrating thing in my life- my relationship with God. I don't always understand what he does, or why he calls me to places of pain or injustice, or what He is doing with my life. But I do know He loves me. Have never doubted that. I know He loves me through and through, no matter what. There isn't anything I can do that will make him stop loving me. He wants to be in relationship with me and wants me to be His. And that will get me through the day, the month, the years until I see him face to face in eternity. I can't wait. What could be better than hanging out with your best friend, the person who knows you best, loves you the most, for forever? Even if he likes to pull a fast one on you every once in awhile to make sure you are paying attention.
Wednesday, February 1, 2012
Day 31/Day 32- Being a woman and roaring
OMG. I posted a rather stern comment on a relatively benign blog that I really had no intention of posting but hit publish instead of the edit button. Feel like a b word. The blogger probably didn't mean to strike a nerve, but she did. In the mommy world, there are all sorts of mommy wars or perceived mommy wars and it drives me crazy. Anytime I see a perceived mommy war threat, I pounce, and give them a piece of my mind... in my head or in a comment which i usually then delete. But not this time. Oh the mortification! I do feel strongly about what I said, but at the same time, don't; because what i feel strongly about is not feeling strongly about certain things. Does that make sense? Probably not, i am using generalities. Basically, there is sometimes unsaid pressure to do certain things or follow certain methods or take certain stances in order to be a "good mom" and I think that pressure is baloney and that women should educate and empower themselves, but never ever succumb to pressure that elevates one way over the other. Both ways are valid, choose which one works best for you. And don't preach your way is better than any other. That's my beef with the mommy world: some moms think their way is the only way and tread on other moms in their quest to be whatever it is they are trying to be, supermom, the best mom, better than the average mom?
Usually, I keep my inner b-ness to myself and sometimes to my husband and so am stressed that I let it out into the blogosphere. I have opinions, usually strong opinions, that change with the context. Prefer moderation, except when I don't. I like to think of myself as a ocean, instead of a rock in regards to my beliefs. Depending on the weather, certain ones will be more pronounced, calm, rough, high, low, serene, or choppy. Or something like that.
Oh gosh. what have i done???
Usually, I keep my inner b-ness to myself and sometimes to my husband and so am stressed that I let it out into the blogosphere. I have opinions, usually strong opinions, that change with the context. Prefer moderation, except when I don't. I like to think of myself as a ocean, instead of a rock in regards to my beliefs. Depending on the weather, certain ones will be more pronounced, calm, rough, high, low, serene, or choppy. Or something like that.
Oh gosh. what have i done???
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