What I've wrote i have gone over and over in my head. Do I really agree with what I've said? Is it true? Why would I say what I've said?
And I've come up with some conclusions.
Some of those sins in that list hit me wrong. Because there wasn't justice for the victims in those prayers. And that jarred- on some level I revolted because I thought of all the child abusers, rapists, evil predators and aggressors who hide in churches. It doesn't help that most of them are male and most of the victims are women and children. Doesn't make me like the fact that it comes across as males getting preferential treatment as in "we male priests will offer you male victimizers confession and not turn you over to go to the police where you should rot in prison and be castrated so you cannot cast fear into lives of women and children." Somebody should protect the victims. The church should be protecting the women and children. There are hundreds of verses saying that who God is and that He will smite those that do not care for them and oppress them. I'm not going to count how many students i've worked with whose case worker would say, oh by the way, this person did that to them, just be aware of it and that they may have behavior issues. Well duh they will have behavior issues; people who were supposed to protect them, abused them. Grrr. The thought that there is often not justice to so many and that someone would almost glibly put it in a confessional prayer without prefacing that it should be said from a prison cell, is too much for me.
Too similar to the catholic church scandals where males were protected above the powerless, the defenseless, the widow, the orphan. Will the church ever repent of that?Too much chauvinism. I had one of my friends who's catholic explain to me why she prayed to Mary- because Mary was a woman who would understand- she didn't feel comfortable or safe praying to a male god. And that made an impression on me. It made me realize how much the church has to go to stick up for the under-voiced and under represented.
Male issues dominate the church agenda, in my opinion, because guess what, males and their perspectives are in the spheres and influences of power. And are men really that clued into women's issues? Can they really adequately represent them and advocate for their perspective? I'm leaning towards no... and to those who don't like the liberal women bishops out there or other women pastors (in america), I would say that it is still a male role and a male game and until that shifts, the type of leadership I am trying to advocate for will not be exemplified.
And that's it. The confessional prayer was way too male sin oriented and offered no justice to the non male perspective. And it made me confess that i have male issues. I think males need to go above and beyond to get their gender straight when it comes down to it. Too many of them have destroyed lives on account of their selfishness, greed, and ego. I guess Jesus came for them too, but there was a whole lot of repairing their damage and giving hope to the destroyed that Jesus did.
And yes, I think there is a place for judging right and wrong. I wasn't in a classroom full of 17 years old who ripped any shred of human dignity I had for nothing. I have no allusions about how good or bad I am. Because I don't think that really matters in the end. You are either forgiven or not. You either repent and get it together or you don't. You are either in the kingdom or not. And that is empowering, despite ruining me for polite society. Why? Because I spend less time worrying how I measure up and more about my relationships, how I treat people, where I see God's grace working, and where there are opportunities for redemption. And where to draw lines in order to seek after justice for the oppressed. There are consequences, secular ones, too, in addition to spiritual ones to big, ugly sins. If you say you are in the kingdom and victimize and abuse people, woman, child, or man, you should be in jail. Not in church. Somewhere where you are not able to victimize anybody else. Call Child Protective Services immediately when it comes to someone abusing a child. True religion is caring for widows and orphans and that should be something we should repent of not doing in our communities.
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