i hate being sick. most people probably do. but i bet most people don't go to a deep dark place that i tend to go to when i am sick. i have vivid images of me with the flu as a kid wanting to die, praying for sleep because i did not know how i'd survive the agony. because the most awful thing to me as a ten year old and probably now still so many years later is throwing up.
rewind to t minus two years ago and again I was sick and call that time of my life the worst i have ever experienced. revelation: probably not the circumstances, though they were a nightmare, it was because I felt sick all the time.
fastforward to now: some say that it will all go away in approximately four weeks, and i admire their optimism, but i know i have months of feeling ill to look forward to. and i dread it. i dread the deep dark places it sends me and how my body will mentally torment me all the live long while. yeah, yeah, it's for a good cause, but i don't know if i ever really shake the torture and anguish it places on my body and spirit. i once blamed dc, but now I blame it. please, lord jesus, make the feeling ill part go away. heal me, body, mind, soul, so that i can be what I am suppose to be. amen.
No comments:
Post a Comment