It is hard to write. Or I am finding it hard to find time to write. Busyness has set in and I am finding it harder to quiet myself and make room for God to speak and work on my heart. In addition to writing everyday, I found that God's putting it on my heart to pray more everyday. I find that I am easily distracted when I pray, so I'm starting to pray continuously just because I feel like I never finish praying. It is good, but I also am not that great at praying without journaling at the same time. I use to be good at prayer journals, but after charlottesville, I mourned too many things and prayer journal was one of the thing that passed away and I entered a new era of prayer. I miss it, but there's some baggage I feel with it. There's pain in prayer journal. I think because I poured out so much of myself into them and when it all feel apart (it meaning my life, and it happened multiple times, according to me) it was something i gave up/taken away from me. Writing in fact was also "taken away from me" for a spell and I am only getting back into it now.
This week is the week of joy and sorrow and the Lord has been teaching me a lot about both the past six years. The Lord gives and He takes away, may the name of the Lord be praised. And I know the lessons I've learned are important in addition to being painful, they hopefully have humbled me a bit, but it's been a long road to experience the Joy of the Lord once again. But having experienced sorrow, I more fully grasp the Gospel and understand why Jesus came- because most people live in sorrow and pain and darkness. The Gospel is the message that there is Joy for them, there is healing for them, there is light for them! Jesus has come to right the wrongs and take the sting out of death! And for that, I have learned to rejoice.
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