Day 3 -- I'll take care of you

i know you've been hurt by someone else i could tell by the way you carry yourself
if you let me here's what i'll do, i'll take care of you
i've loved and i've lost

advent      no coffee        writing projects         bad writing           need  practice discipline

i've loved and i've lost            justice judgement mercy                 suffering

babies      motherhood      joy

you won't ever have to worry you won't ever have to hide i'll be beside you to dry your weary eyes
so darling tell me that you'll be true there's no doubt in my mind know what i want to do

twilight breaking dawn             story junkie        soundtrack on repeat

cry when singing hymns            o come all ye faithful

don't tell me that i don't care if you hurt
i don't tell you you don't care if you're true



I think words sometimes articulate my thoughts better than sentences. Above are my thoughts interspersed with lyrics from "take care" a song currently being covered by Drake and Rihanna.  Let's see if you got the gist of my reflection, here's those words fleshed out.

i am not drinking coffee during advent- need to cleanse my system and enjoy coffee once again. i know this is a lenten season thing to do, but I think it will help me prepare for christmas, which is what advent is all about: anticipation, longing, waiting, yearning.  I hope to explore those feelings with the help of a coffee withdrawal, because to be honest, I don't really get into the christmas season anymore. i am not excited about it -on any level.  maybe it is because i haven't established any traditions or because i am not a crazy decorator or something of the like, but christmas is something i feel like i have to do rather than it being an expression of something inside me.  so i am giving up coffee in hopes to catch some christmas spirit.

since i am a stay at home mom, i don't have much to do, work wise. so i am creating work for myself by giving myself writing projects to complete. hence a new blog to write about not drinking coffee during advent. welcome to my bad writing. i need practice, discipline, and to work work work, because my writing recently has been awful. decent writing is hard to come by for me these days so i am going to try to fix that.

obsessed with this song "i'll take care of you" or "take care." it's soulful, sorrowful, beautiful. it's been in my head, so now it is in my writing. i think when i get better at writing i can make the connections between the lyrics and some key sentiments i find in the christian gospel... or maybe they are so obvious you can see them for yourself.  i think the line i've loved and i've lost is so pregnant with emotion and meaning- oh to get to the depths of that! that would be a feat for me.

This past sunday we had a good discussion on judgement, God's mercy, justice, and suffering.  There's a lot packed into those words that maybe i'll get out one day, but for the meantime there are things i am reflecting on-- since i don't have coffee to enjoy.

i guess i also have some thoughts on the joy found in motherhood-and it's a different joy that I expected. hopefully, more on that later.

right now I am obsessed with the soundtrack to breaking dawn and with the story itself. i guess there are a lot of twilight haters out there and i had no idea that people disliked it so.  I think it's a great, admittedly crazy, story with lots of good themes and ideas to ponder on. Really want to go see the movie again for a second time.  since i spend so much time pondering stories like twilight, I realize i am none other than a story junkie: percy jackson, harry potter, most kids fantasy lit and decent adult lit, i'll read 'em over and over. I love the highs and lows and denouements and character developments and oh everything! i'm addicted to a good story.

also, whenever i am in a sacred place- like church, i tend to cry. especially at hymns that i think so beautifully and succinctly tell the gospel. we sang o come, all ye faithful at bible study today, and i had to wipe tears, hoping no one noticed. i guess the meaning and connotations of " faithful" got me. or maybe the idea of being called " to come".  i guess i think about all the stories of the faithful, and what they had to do to be faithful, amidst adversary, and pow. i am struck at the idea of them coming to a place, joyful and triumphant.  it's a powerful image for me. and so i cry.

last thought: god cares if we are hurt. he knows we've been hurt. he also knows how to take care of us. think about that.